And The Nominees Are
by Griffin of Malik
Summary: A spoof of the grammys Yu-Gi-Ou! style. Awards like cutest bishonen, best supporting character, creepiest character. Written on a sugar high. Includes musical guest.
1. Welcome To The Millies

Authoresses' Notes: We're back! That's right, Lady Sephiroth and Griffin of Malik bring you another Yu-gi-ou fanfic filled with malice and torture of the funniest kind. Well.maybe not the funniest kind.but you'll at least think it's stupid enough to laugh at.  
  
Lady Sephiroth & Griffin's Heart: ^_^ We guarantee!  
  
Disclaimer: Laura Croft/Tomb Raider, and all associated Yu-gi-ou characters do not belong to either of us, or else this fanfiction might actually become a real episode.  
  
Malik: -_-' Heaven forbid. (Is glomped by Griffin) ACK!!  
  
The Millenium Awards  
  
with your hosts  
  
Laura Croft and Monica  
  
Laura: (testily) That's hostesses!  
  
*scene opens to a dramatic stage wider than a football field with a cheesy Eye of Horus in the background set against black curtains. A lone podium stands in the middle, wide enough for maybe one and a half people, made completely out of glass. Two pretty women stand hip to hip in the center, both dressed in eye popping evening gowns that show plenty of skin and ample cleavage.*  
  
Monica: (grinning) Welcome to the very first annual Millenium Awards. I'm yo' ghetto hostess Monica. You've probably never heard of me before, but I was the one who threw the thang thang in Griffin's fanfic "O.O What's This Button Do?". That's right, tha's a shameless promotion right ther. Eh, whuz up Laura? What'chu doin her anyway?  
  
Laura: (eye twitching) Someone thought it'd be funny to put me in here just for kicks. Whoever did is going to get the shooting of a lifetime.  
  
Monica:.Yeah. Um, so anyway, ya'll gon' have a good time tonight. Lemme her' that audience cherin' and whatnot.  
  
Audience: *claps politely*  
  
Monica: Now see that don't make no sense. Before this night is ova, we gone make sure ya'll doin' the Arsenio ova her, know what I'm sayin'?  
  
Laura: Do you know what you're saying?  
  
Monica: Most of the time I do. A'ight, so to get our evening started, we gone kick it off wit a little you know, one of them thangs wer' they list all the people tha's gone appear throughout the night and er'thang. Eh.So roll film or whateva. I'm finna go get me some Coke and rum. That's right, that's another shameless promotion right ther. (does Harlem Shake) Hey now!  
  
Laura: (grimaces) Ugh.  
  
*Camera shifts to big screen that lowers from ceiling behind the podium*  
  
Mysterious Voice: And now tonight's Millenium Awards! With appearances by- presented in random order-Seto Kaiba!  
  
Audience: *claps politely*  
  
Joey: Boo!  
  
MV: Mokuba Kaiba!  
  
A: *continues to clap politely, slight cheering*  
  
MV: Joey Wheeler!  
  
A: *still clapping politely*  
  
Seto: You suck Wheeler!  
  
MV: Yami!  
  
A: *will clap politely until arms fall off, or at least someone tells them to stop*  
  
Tea: Yea! Yami you rule! ^_^  
  
Yami: (cringing in fear) Keep her away from me.  
  
MV: Yugi!  
  
Camera Man: My camera won't go low enough to view him! He's too short!  
  
A: *claps anyway*  
  
MV: Bakura!  
  
Bakura: Soon I will possess all 7 millenium items! Then the world will be mine!!  
  
A: O.O  
  
MV: .Uh.Ryou Bakura!  
  
Ryou: (smiles sweetly)  
  
A: Aww.  
  
MV: Malik!  
  
A: *claps politely*  
  
Malik: What're you clapping for?! *eye twitches*  
  
A: O.O (stops clapping)  
  
MV:.Uh.Yami Malik!  
  
Yami Malik: (laughs maniacally)  
  
A:.  
  
MV: The Egyptian God Cards!  
  
EGC: (in unison) Hello!  
  
A: *cheers*  
  
MV: Some random Rare Hunters!  
  
A: .  
  
*crickets chirp*  
  
MV: And some other random Yu-gi-ou characters I forgot to mention. With special musical guest appearances by Linkin Park!  
  
A: *cheers wildly*  
  
Ryou: Yea! Linkin Park rules!  
  
Bakura: Yes. They'll be the only ones to survive my wrath, once I possess all seven Millenium Items!  
  
MV: Crappil Latrene!  
  
Avril: That's Avril Lavigne!  
  
MV: I had it right the first time. Chad Kroeger featuring Josey Scott!  
  
CK&JS: (smiles)  
  
MV: *NSYNC!  
  
A: *cheers*  
  
Bakura: *NSYNC sucks!  
  
Yugi: That's not true!  
  
Bakura: (glaring) Want to make something of it?  
  
Yugi: (swallows, sinks down in chair) No.  
  
Bakura: They suck then. That's final.  
  
Ryou: (leans over in Yami's ear) I think they rule.  
  
Bakura: What was that?!  
  
Ryou: (nervously) Nothing!  
  
MV: Barenaked Ladies!  
  
Joey: Did you hear that? They're gonna have butt naked ladies running across the stage! Aw, this is gonna be so sweet.!  
  
Mokuba: (sweat drops) I think they mean the band Joey.  
  
Joey: (gasps in disbelief) There's a band full of butt naked ladies?! Dude, that is so sweet!!  
  
Seto:-_-'.Baka.  
  
MV: Destiny's Child!  
  
Yami: Beyoncè is so hot! (drools uncontrollably)  
  
MV: Jennifer Lopez!  
  
A: *scattered applause*  
  
Malik: (eye twitching violently) What's wrong with you people?! Clap I say! Clap for the goddess who will rule beside me once I take over the world!  
  
Random audience member: It's just that.she's everywhere. We're kind of sick of seeing her.  
  
Yami Malik: (pulls out millenium dagger and stabs said random audience member to death)  
  
Yugi: O.O Looks like he's a J-Lo fan.  
  
Malik: Anyone else sick of seeing J-Lo? Because I can make it so that you won't have to see her ever again.  
  
*cricket chirps*  
  
Malik: I thought so.  
  
MV: Simple Plan!  
  
Seto: Here's a simple plan-let's get out of here.  
  
Mokuba: (whining) But Seto, I want to stay! (proceeds with puppy-dog eyes)  
  
Seto: .Alright. But the minute it gets gay, we're out of here.  
  
MV: Sum 41!  
  
A: *cheers wildly*  
  
MV: Good Charlotte!  
  
Ryou: Yay! Hopefully they'll perform The Anthem-that's my favorite song of theirs!  
  
Bakura: That's because you're a LOSER! HA! (punches Ryou in the arm)  
  
Ryou: (rubs arm painfully) Ow..  
  
MV: Nelly.!  
  
Monica: Look, that's enough! If you name everyone who's in the show then we ain't gone get nowher'. Hopefully none of ya'll left in the first place. You talk too much-now we gotta go to commercial break. Stupid.I need some mo' Coke and rum. Come on Laura. (snatches Laura off stage with her)  
  
Laura: (yelps) Hey!  
  
****Commercial****  
  
Teenager: (is nasally congested) I used to have rashes really bad. And bumps everywhere. EVERYWHERE. But then I asked my doctor about H8Milus. H8Milus helped me get rid of everything. *teenager walks onto screen* EVERYTHING. *you find out that he's invisible, they switch the camera away*  
  
For more information about h8Milus, call 1-800-985-2038-2948-2482-9204-9223- 0106-6.  
  
Man: *talking very fast* Side effects may include drowsiness, headaches, vomiting, sleepwalking, thoughts that you're a little girl, a lamp, a game of Simon, a cat, a dog, a nail file, a chicken, a lawn gnome, a keyboard, an actual Millenium Item, a Millenium Award, a shoe, a bird, a window, a curb, a blanket, Carmen San Diego, an Internet cord, a virus, the country of Africa; rashes, bumps, claustrophobia, brontophobia, arachnophobia, necrophelism, asexual thoughts, a craving for graham crackers, uncleanness, ticks, twitches, lice, a taste for crayons, depression, loss of eyesight, loss of a controlled bladder, and in very common cases, death.  
  
****End Commercial****  
  
Monica: O_O That's some sick mess right ther. Eh.And now onto our very first award for Best Supporting Character! And the nominees are.!  
  
**** Lady Sephiroth: (insert evil laugh here)  
  
Griffin of Malik: (still glomping Malik) She does that a lot. Thanks for doing that thing! You can press the little button at the bottom now. Come Bunny Foo Foo! We shall prepare for.Chapter two. (insert lesser but still quite evil laugh here)  
  
Malik: -_-' My life sucks. 


	2. Best Supporting CharacterPreformance by ...

Disclaimer: We disclaim the noted artists and said written materials/lyrics/references to lyrics/songs. They are used purely for entertainment purposes only. The opinions and views expressed in this fic by any and all borrowed/random characters are not necessarily the same opinions of said authoresses.  
  
Lady Sephiroth: ^_^ Necessarily.  
  
Griffin: Disclaimer good for entire fic. No more inturruptions by disclaimers for you!  
  
**** Monica: Hey ya'll, welcome back to the first annual Millenium Awards. In case ya'll didn't know, we'll be givin' out Millies to all the characters who deserve them.  
  
Laura: (cheesy smile plastered across face) Or not.  
  
Monica: Yeah, we pro'lly gone do a repeat of this yer's Grammys. That was a ripoff right there-Nora Jones winnin' 8 times. That talentless (omitted because of content); like she deserved all them awards.  
  
Avril: (from somewhere in the audience) I should've won at least one!  
  
Monica: No, you suck too. Anyway, onto the very first award. You know Laura, an anime like Yu-gi-ou wouldn't be complete without supporting characters. And by supprotin' I don't mean the people who help ya stand up.  
  
Audience: *laughs politely*  
  
Monica: What cha'll laughin' at? That was so lame.  
  
Laura: (cheesy grin threatening to pull her skin right off her face) Yes, Monica, I believe you're right. These powerful supporting characters are just as important as the leading characters themselves, for without them, there would be.  
  
Monica: No one to take the abuse of these twisted, warped authors as they run around rampant with their wretched views of what these characters do when they're not filming said anime.  
  
Ryou: (to Bakura) Is that what we're doing here?  
  
Bakura: (angrily) Quiet! If I can't take over the world, I want my shiny award! I know I'm going to win for something; best hairstyle perhaps? Or mintiest breath!  
  
Yami: (grimacing) Your breath smells like a tomb.  
  
Bakura: Your mother!  
  
Yami: What?!  
  
*the two proceed to fight violently as their hikari inch away from them slowly*  
  
Monica: Anyway, onto the first category, which is Best Supporting Character!  
  
Laura: (still smiling cheesily) And the nominees are.  
  
*large screen appears behind them, flashing the nominees as they are named*  
  
MV: Solomon Moto!  
  
Grandpa: ^_^ Finally I'll be recognized as something other than the old man who's always in the way!  
  
Monica: (snorts) That's what you think.  
  
MV: Tea!  
  
Tea: OO I was nominated for something?!  
  
Monica; Don't worry, you won't win.  
  
MV: Mokuba Kaiba!  
  
Mokuba: (grins, bats eyes)  
  
Audience: Aww.!  
  
MV: Ishtar Isis!  
  
Isis: (bows slightly in recognition)  
  
Audience: *claps*  
  
MV: Shadi!  
  
Shadi: *looks extremely bored/indifferent*  
  
Audience: *cheers slightly*  
  
MV: And the Rare Hunters!  
  
*crickets chirp*  
  
Monica: Now that's just harsh right ther. Alright Laura, open the envelope if you please.  
  
Laura: (opening said envelope) And the winner is..Mokuba!  
  
A: *claps politely*  
  
*Mokuba climbs onto the stage*  
  
Monica: And look at what we got for the little cutie-his very own Milli. *hands him a large gold award in the shape of the Eye of Horus*  
  
Mokuba: (accepting award) Thank you. I'd like to thank everyone who voted for me, and everyone who thinks I'm cute as a button. (bats eyelashes)  
  
A: Aww.  
  
Mokuba: Also I'd like to thank my brother Seto. Without his jerk-off attitude, I never could've been given a chance at the spotlight. I'm like the Ying to his Yang, and.  
  
Monica: Alright cutie, that's enough. Why don't you scoot you little self on off to the back and have some Coke and Rum?  
  
Mokuba: ^_^ Ok! (skips off backstage)  
  
Laura: You do realize you just gave him access to all the liquor don't you?  
  
Monica: (shrugging) He'll be alright. And now for our very first musical guest.What's that say Laura? I can't quite read the cue cards. (squints into distance)  
  
Laura: (squinting as well) Erm.I think that says.Avril Lavigne.  
  
Monica: Crappil Latrine? Aw.Well, ya'll gone hafta listen to the musical stylings of Crappril.  
  
Avril: (from somewhere backstage) That's Avril!  
  
Monica: Yeah, that's what I said, Snapple String Bean as she performs her not-yet-released-and-will-probably-never-be-due-to-her-talentless-nature, "Anything But Ordinary". How in the *beep* did she get booked for this anyway?  
  
Laura: Usually they book the people who are either up and coming and need the exposure or worn out from too much spotlight in Hollywood. Which would explain why Jennifer Lopez is here.  
  
Monca: Actually, nah, she's her cuz she my cousin.  
  
Laura: (raises eyebrow) Your cousin.?  
  
Monica: Ch'eah! You know we all cousins.  
  
****Musical Performance****  
  
*Avril's band set against the black curtains of the Millies*  
  
Avril: (in her ever annoying rock voice) Sometimes I get so weird I even freak myself out...  
  
Malik: She's freaking me out!  
  
Yami Malik: (proceeds to lick Millenium Rod-turned-Dagger)  
  
Malik: ...No, she's still creepier than you.  
  
Avril: I laugh myself to sleep. It's my lullaby.  
  
Malik: I've got a lullaby for her alright. A permanent lullabye.  
  
Yami Malik: Lulla-bye-bye! (laughs maniacally)  
  
*elsewhere down the row, Bakura and Yami continue to fight*  
  
Yugi: Will you two knock it off?! I don't want to miss Avril's performance!  
  
*Bakura bites Yami's ankle, Yami elbows him in the head*  
  
Ryou: Yeah! She's a very moving songtress!  
  
Seto: (snorting) Yeah, she's moving alright. Moving me to an early grave. Her singing's killing me.  
  
*Each hikari pulls their yami away from each other and places them in seats opposite of themselves*  
  
Yugi & Ryou: (to their other halves) Sit!  
  
*each yami glares at each other, sticks out their tongue, and turn toward the stage*  
  
Avril: Is it enough to love? Is it enough to breathe? Somebody rip my heart out, and leave me here to bleed...  
  
*The lights go out. There's a horrid scream, and then the lights flash back on, revealing a very dead Avril with her heart missing, leaving her on the stage to bleed just as she requested.*  
  
Ryou & Yugi: (eyes widened in horror) Oh no!  
  
*both boys rush up to the stage and surround the songstress*  
  
Yugi: (hysterically) Avril please speak to me! Please! Don't die, Avril, don't die! AVRIL!!!  
  
Avril: X_X  
  
Ryou: (takes pulse, even though it's obviously pointless) Um, I think...  
  
Yugi: No, don't say it!  
  
Ryou:...She's dead.  
  
*thunder rumbles, lightening flashes*  
  
Ryou: ?? Where'd that come from?  
  
Yugi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
*thunder rumbles, lightening flashes*  
  
Ryou: ?_? Who's doing that?!  
  
*Monica, Mokuba and Laura rush out onto the stage, Monica carrying a rum and Coke in one hand*  
  
Laura: Oh my gods! Monica, she's dead.  
  
Monica: Oh yeah? What gave it away?  
  
Mokuba: Who's going to clean that up?  
  
Monica: (sips drink casually) Stage crew of course. Somebody get this up. We got other people performing you know. (kicks Avril for good measure) Just makin sure she's really dead.  
  
Laura: You mean we're going to continue? There might be a maniac running amok!  
  
Monica: Can't be too crazy if he kilt' Avril. I say we owe him a favor. Let's get on over to the podium for the next award.  
  
*Both girls and Mokuba move over to the podium*  
  
****End Performance****  
  
****at podium****  
  
Laura: I can't believe this. This is so horrible.  
  
Monica: Yeah, get over it. (sips drink casually) Her' to present the award for Creepiest Supporting Character, her's the resident creepy bad boys themselves, the Yami Malik, and the Yami, Bakura! And while that's goin' on, we gone go on backstage and change into one of our 50 outfits of the night.  
  
Mokuba: Can I come!?  
  
Monica: Aw, sure you can cutie!  
  
Laura: Monica, are you crazy?!!  
  
Monica: What? He just a little boy; what he gone do, take pictures or som'thin?  
  
Mokuba: (grins evilly)  
  
*Yami Malik and Bakura enter from left stage. Bakura trips on Avril's corpse, but quickly straightens himself.*  
  
Bakura: (into mic) Is this thing on?  
  
Yami Malik: (laughs maniacally)  
  
Bakura: ...Right. You know, being creepy is not just a job, it's a privilege. There's a certain persona you have to keep up; not just everyone or anyone can do it. Isn't that right Ishtar?  
  
Yami Malik: ...Must...kill...  
  
Bakura: (rolls eyes) Screw these (beep) cue cards. Let's just present these stupid awards-it's a complete waste of time. I'm not even nominated.  
  
MV: And the nominees for Creepiest Supporting Character are...Tea!  
  
Audience: ...  
  
MV: Tristan!  
  
Audience: *scattered applause*  
  
Tristan: I am NOT creepy! I resent that!  
  
MV: Grandpa Motou!  
  
Grandpa: Yea! Another nomination!  
  
MV: Isis.  
  
Audience: *continues to clap*  
  
MV: Shadi!  
  
Audience: *light cheering*  
  
MV: And the Rare Hunters!  
  
*crickets chirp*  
  
Random Rare Hunter: (threatening to cry) No one likes us.  
  
Bakura: Here Yami Malik, you do the honors. (hands him the envelope)  
  
Yami Malik: (eats envelope)  
  
Everyone: O.O  
  
Bakura: Screw this. Let's go see what's backstage.  
  
*disappears stage right*  
  
*Monica, Mokuba and Laura are back, dressed in matching red. The girls are dressed like Jessica Rabbit, and Mokuba is wearing his usual clothes with bunny ears.*  
  
Mokuba: Wow, I've got the most beautiful co-hosts in the world!  
  
Monica: (grinning) Yes baby you do, and Laura don't look too bad either, do she?  
  
Laura: -_-' I think he meant both of us.  
  
Monica: You keep thinking that. Mokuba sweetie, would you do the honors please?  
  
Mokuba: Sure! But before I do, I just wanna announce that I have in fact taken pictures of Monica and Laura getting dressed together! If you want to see them, go to mokuba.hentai.pervert.kaiba.org!  
  
MV: Note: Not a real web address.  
  
Laura: (horrified) YOU DID WHAT!?  
  
Monica: Aw, now ain't that cute? He took pictures of us naked, just like you said he would.  
  
Mokuba: (proudly) And downloaded them onto the internet almost instantaneously!  
  
Monica: Aw...Now that deserves an Arbor Mist baby! (ruffles his hair fondly)  
  
Laura: (grimacing) We'll be back after a word from our sponser.  
  
****Commercial Break****  
  
Gaia The Dragon Champion: Ahem...is this on? *taps mike* Eh, you are not worthy of standing in my presence!!  
  
Director of commercial: -_- The microphone is on.  
  
GTDC: Well, it's true! Ahem. When I find a woman that is equal in my beauty which will never happen...I want to look good on our dates....of course (confidently) I look good when I wake up in the morning, so...heh.  
  
D: O.O  
  
GTDC: I like to spray on this nice cologne that I'm being paid to promote. It's called...(looks at the bottle) um...La Fidele Toilet...I think that means the faithful toilet! Hmm...*sprays on cologne* O.o AHH!!! IT BURNS!!! (running around the stage wildly) GET IT OFF MY BEAUTIFUL SKIN!!!!  
  
We interrupt this broadcast to bring you back to the Milli Awards. Originally, that film was not due to be aired at all, and we're sorry for the inconvenience.  
  
GTDC: (runs behind man screaming) IT BURNS!!! DON'T BUY IT!! IT'S FROM MELVIN PINE!!!! IT HAS RUINED ME!!! RUINED!!!  
  
****End Commercial****  
  
Seto: This is milk. *sets carton on the table* And it does a body good. Kids, if you don't drink milk, you'll look like this. *drags Grandpa and Yugi out in front of the camera*. These are midgets. Why? Because their stupidity sadly stunted their growth. I have runts like these for breakfast. You would merely be a light snack...or part of a snack.  
  
*one week later*  
  
Seto: *to kid* Have you been drinking milk?  
  
Kid: no....  
  
Seto:...Good. I'm kind of hungry.  
  
Kid: *screams*  
  
*Seto dunks the child in a pool of milk drowning him in it.*  
  
Seto: I didn't feel like eating him. *to the camera* If you don't drink milk, you'll drown in it. *turns to leave, his awesome coat-thingy blowing in the wind.*  
  
****End Commercial**** Isis: Why Shadi, where are you going?  
  
Shadi: To find you some acting lessons.  
  
Isis: Hehe...where are you REALLY going?  
  
Shadi: To the laundromat. If I'm going to slink around in my ever-creepy way, I'd like to be clean.  
  
Isis: (cheesily) Yes, I have noticed that all of your Egyptian cotton looks so soft. How ever did you get it that way?  
  
Shadi: Your mother.  
  
Isis:...Do you use fabric softener?  
  
Shadi:....Yes.  
  
Isis: What kind?  
  
Shadi: *sighs* Huggle. *under breath* Sure took me long enough.  
  
Isis: (who clearly couldn't act her way out of a paper bag) Why, you mean the fabric softener?  
  
Shadi:....Yes.  
  
Isis: Well, whatever is the name of such a product that softens clothes as such?  
  
Shadi: O.o Huggle. TM.  
  
Isis: Well, I have heard that it feels smooth to even a snake.  
  
Shadi: Why don't we test that theory? *throws a bucket of Huggle all over Isis, then throws a bucket of Egyptian Asps on her*  
  
Isis: AHH!!!!  
  
Shadi: Well, what do you know? You were right.  
  
Huggle, so soft,...it's...huggable.  
  
Man: (talking very fast) Side affects include rash, unclean clothes, leprosy and polio. We are not responsible for death, gout, loss of blood, loss of iron, loss of zinc, loss of vitamin c, or loss of child.  
  
****End Commercial Break****  
  
Laura: (still grimacing) Welcome back. In case you haven't noticed, Monica is promoting underage drinking as well as pornography, and someone's BIG BROTHER has no problem with it.  
  
Seto: (on cell phone) Yea...no, I'll call you back-I think someone's talking about me. (hangs up, looks around cluelessly) What's going on? Where's Mokuba?  
  
Laura:.-_-'  
  
Mokuba: (with a bottle of Arbor Mist in hand) Isn't there something we're supposed to be doing right now?  
  
Monica: Jus' drink ya Arbor Mist baby, and do what Auntie Monica says and you'll be fine.  
  
Mokuba: ^_^ OK!  
  
Laura: (angrily) Monica stop it! You're encouraging him!  
  
Monica: No I'm not! Am I baby!  
  
Mokuba: Actually you are. And now to present the award for Cutest Duel Monster, here's the Dark Magician and the Black Luster Soldier!  
  
*Host/hostesses exit stage left, presenters enter stage right*  
  
Dark Magician: (adjusts hat accordingly) I've never actually had a speaking part before. Does my voice sound weird?  
  
Black Luster Soldier: No one cares. Why am I up here? I'm nowhere near cute. I'm ominous, scary-fear me!  
  
Dark Magician: ...Right. So anyway, it's a privilege to be a Duel Monster, especially an attractive one. That's a real privilege. So here's the chance for one of us to walk away with our very own Milli, no talent required!  
  
Black Luster Soldier: Say that last line again, just for emphasis.  
  
Dark Magician: No talent required!  
  
BLS: Thanks for that reassurance.  
  
MV: And the nominees for Cutest Duel Monster are Kuriboh!  
  
Kuriboh: (does that weird noise thingy)  
  
Audience: Awww.....^_^  
  
MV: Blue Eyes Toon Dragon!  
  
BETD: (gnaws on leg)  
  
Audience: O.O  
  
MV: The Angel of Friendship!  
  
AoF: ^_^  
  
Audience: @_@  
  
Random Audience Member: Too...cute...for...own...eyes...! *explodes leaving a pile of dust that's still smiling in his chair*  
  
Monica: See, that's just wrong.  
  
Laura: Monica, don't talk during the nominees! It's tacky!  
  
Monica: (loudly) Gator boots, with the pimped out Gucci suits!  
  
MV: (voice over) And a random Duel Monster!  
  
Dark Magician: And the winner is.(opens envelope, gapes) I don't believe this.  
  
BLS: (snatches envelope) Give me that; let me see! (gapes)  
  
Together: Thousand Eyes Restrict?!  
  
TER: (from audience) Yay,  
  
BLS: (throws Milli into curtain behind him) *beep* this; I'm goin' backstage. This is screwed.  
  
DM: Right behind you.  
  
*Both exit right, host/hostesses enter left*  
  
Monica: That right ther was just wrong. Wrong like Destiny's Child in a Popeye's chain. Speaking of which, we'll have their performance and more awards right after this brief commercial break.  
  
****Commmericial Break****  
  
*all of the yamis are sitting around eating Taco Bell, around 1:00 a.m.*  
  
Malik: What happened to that little Taco Bell dog that used to be on the commercials?  
  
Yami:...(chewing) I think we ate him.  
  
Yami Malik: Well, he boosted sales!! (laughs maniacally, chokes) I'm okay. (continues to laugh maniacally)  
  
Yuugi: (spits out Taco) You guys are so cruel! Don't you care at all what happens to animals?! *all look at Yuugi, and stare for a moment...then continue to eat)  
  
Bakura: Listen...(opens mouth, voice comes out) Yo quiero Taco Bell.  
  
Yuugi:...O.O  
  
Bakura: I have his voice box. (grins evilly) I'm going to be a millionaire.  
  
Yuugi: This is all YOUR fault!! You guys had to order "something different, but still meat" from the menu!  
  
Malik: No, Ryou ordered that. And we all ordered what he had, so (coughs; a foot comes up) Whoohoo! (throws it around like a boomerang, but it doesn't come back)  
  
Yami: Silence! I will not tolerate your bickering! Yuugi, don't be a (omitted)!  
  
Yuugi: (eyes water) Et....tu....Yami?  
  
Malik: (to his Yami) What are you staring at?  
  
Yami Malik: (points to person) There's some one filming us...  
  
Yuugi: (bursts out crying)  
  
Yami Malik: Let's eat the footage!  
  
Malik: -_- I just fed you.  
  
Yami Malik: I want some film! I think it would taste like ice cream! Or shaving cream!  
  
Ryou: (obviously drunk) Let's just eat the whole person!  
  
Bakura: You smell strongly of alcohol.  
  
Ryou: No no! Don't be...ridic *hiccup* ulous.  
  
Yuugi: (continues crying)  
  
Bakura: (to Yami) Your hikari is a (omitted)  
  
Yami: -_-...You're right.  
  
Yuugi: (cries louder)  
  
Ryou: (hiccups) Well, I'm still (drunkedly) hungry. (grabs fork and knife, lunges towards person filming, along with Yami Malik)  
  
Yami, Malik, Bakura: O.O  
  
Malik: I'll never tell a soul.  
  
Bakura: I agree.  
  
Yami: Let's...just....  
  
There was no more footage after this, and due to unknown circumstances, the body was never found.  
  
****End Commercial****  
  
Teà: Hi, Bakura!  
  
Bakura: What do you want, you (omitted)?  
  
Teà: O.O Um.what are you holding?  
  
Bakura: I wish it was your beating heart, but unfortunately it's just bleach.  
  
Teà: Um.what kind of bleach?  
  
Bakura: The kind that's TM. Why are you asking so many questions?  
  
Teà: Really, what kind?  
  
Bakura: (sighs) It's...(looking down at the bottle) J-Lo bleach? What the (bus drives by, honking horn)??  
  
Teà: I didn't know J-Lo made bleach. Does it work?  
  
Bakura: (clearly annoyed) How should I...Let's find out. (walks into a nearby laundromat with Teà)  
  
Teà: Well?  
  
Bakura: (throws bleach in Teà's face)  
  
Teà: AHH!!!!!  
  
Bakura: It has served it's purpose.  
  
Note: J-Lo Bleach not tested on animals, on Teà. TM. ****End Commercial****  
  
(All of the hikari are sitting in Olive Garden)  
  
Yuugi: You know, when you're here, you're family.  
  
Ryou: You don't say.  
  
Yuugi: (sulking) I wish Avril was a part of my family.  
  
Malik:...No one cares about Avril. I'm here to (omitted due to content) eat.  
  
Yuugi: Malik, why would you use such language???  
  
Malik: It's (omitted) simple. Because I want to.  
  
Waiter: Good evening, sirs. What would you like to drink?  
  
Malik: (looking at menu) I'll take a...Strawberry Daiquiri.  
  
Ryou: And I'll take a Cahlula Mudslide.  
  
Yuugi: You guys aren't old enough to...  
  
(Ryou and Malik kick Yuugi in the shins, causing him to bend down to check his wounds, but instead hit his head on the table and fall out of his highchair.)  
  
Yuugi: O.O (eyes buck in pain) I (in high pitch voice) Need some ice...  
  
Ryou: He sounds like he's been breathing helium.  
  
Waiter: (raises eyebrow) Um...may I see your ID's?  
  
Malik: No.  
  
Ryou: You can however see our Yamis.  
  
(Yami Malik is standing behind Malik licking his dagger, and Bakura is standing behind Ryou, with the Millenium Ring glowing.)  
  
Bakura: (to waiter) Is there a problem?  
  
Waiter: No, not at all. (to Yuugi) Would you like anything, sir?  
  
Yuugi: (in high pitch voice) My mommy.  
  
Waiter: Um, we're out of those. How about some ice?  
  
Yuugi: Can you take me to the potty instead?  
  
Waiter: O.o Of course.  
  
Yami Malik: (still licking dagger)  
  
Bakura: (sits on the table disrespectfully) You're going to cut yourself.  
  
Yami Malik: (spots ice cream machine) Ooh! Ice cream! (sticks his face under the ice cream and presses the button and starts eating it as it comes out)  
  
*TO BE CONTINUED*  
  
****End Commercial Break****  
  
Griffin: That was SO not a commercial.  
  
Lady Sephiroth: Right after this brief commercial break she says. Yeah right.  
  
Griffin: (Is STILL glomping Malik) Thanks for doing that thing!  
  
Malik: (gasping desperately for air) Someone.please.help.me!!  
  
Lady Sephiroth: And if you're thinking about flaming us, don't. You will be mercilessly hunted down and devoured by our army of mutant dust bunnies.  
  
Griffin: Actually, all flames will be used to start fires as we prepare more of the awards for people who won't take this story QUITE so seriously. If you flame us, we'll rightly assume that you have no sense of humor whatsoever, and you will be laughed at. Trust me. You will.  
  
Lady Sephiroth: Hey, we're giving you, the reviewers a chance to vote in some categories of the awards. There's 3 so far: Cutest Bishounen, Most Kawaii Bishounen, and Most Popular Bishounen. You can only vote once for each category, either in a review or by email. All 3 awards will be presented in the last chapter(s), so that should give you plenty of time to vote.  
  
Griffin: I'd like to thank the following for reviewing: Seline, who was too lazy to sign in ^-^, Pharaoh-Malik-Ishtar, Malik's Gurl, Yami's Girl 3000, Pheonix Pandora, Maliki, Yami Kaigta Acme-Rian  
  
Lady Sephiroth: Also, a lot of you have been asking to be in our show.  
  
Griffin: We're so loved! ^_^  
  
Lady Sephiroth: It's no problem-you can have *small* parts. When I say that, I mean parts in commercials, members of stage crew, random audience members, that kind of thing. You won't appear until much later, however, so don't be hurt if you're not up in the next chapter. The reason for this is we've already got 5 parts out, so around 6 or 7 you'll start to see yourselves.  
  
Griffin's Heart: Just tell us if you're a boy or a girl and we'll find a part for you! You may look weird, and you might be dressed funny, and there's a chance you may be OOC, but you'll have your name in lights! Isn't that great?!  
  
Lady Sephiroth: -_- Peachy, I'm sure. 


	3. What's Goin On?

Monica: Glad ya'll came back! In case you're just tuning in, Thousand Eyes Restrict won for Cutest Duel Monster.  
  
Mokuba: An obvious fluke.  
  
Monica: Lapis Christine died onstage.  
  
Laura: That's Avril!  
  
Monica: That's what I said, Advil-advanced medicine for pain. And the award for Creepiest Supporting Character was eaten by Yami Malik, who is currently backstage doing gods know what. But oh yeah, he fine! ^_^  
  
Laura: ...You're really twisted, you know that?  
  
Monica: ^_^ Oh yeah!  
  
Mokuba: (still holding Arbor Mist, which is now halfway gone) Monica, is this supposed to get me drunk or something?  
  
Monica: ^_^ Not if you're a real alcoholic baby.  
  
Mokuba: Oh. (guzzles the rest down shamelessly)  
  
Laura: -_- This is getting ridiculous. Mokuba, stop drinking! You and Monica are both encouraging underage drinking, and this is not that type of show!  
  
Mokuba: Yes it is. Monica said it was, and she's always right!  
  
Laura: (horrified) Why would you tell him that?!  
  
Monica: (shrugs) Because it's true. Now before we get to Destiny's Child's performance, we've got one more award to present. A real award this time. To present the award for best Hair Style, here's the King of Big Hair himself, Joey!  
  
Mokuba: And the king of Sticks in the *beep*, my brother, Seto Kaiba!  
  
*host/hostesses exit, presenters enter*  
  
Joey: ^_^ What an honor! I can't believe we actually get to go backstage after this and meet Laura Croft! She's like one of my favorite video game characters ever! I mean...she's so stacked!  
  
Seto: Let's get this over with Wheeler. I don't enjoy sharing the same oxygen as you, let alone the same podium.  
  
Joey: Yeah, whatever. Ya know Kaiba, I don't even know why you're up here. Yugi should be up here-he's got great hair! Way better than yours anyway.  
  
Seto: (snorts) I'm sure.  
  
Joey: I'm serious. It's like...Man, how does he get it to stand up?  
  
Seto: ...How do you get it to stand up.  
  
Joey: How do you?  
  
*both glare at each other for a time*  
  
Seto: ...This is childish. Let's just present this stupid award and get it over with.  
  
Joey: Right.  
  
*giant screen once again lowers itself behind them, presenting the nominees as they are named*  
  
MV: And the nominees for Best Hair Style are...Yami/Yami Yugi!  
  
Yugi: (still crying) Avril! Nooo...!  
  
Yami: Get over it. You're embarrassing me.  
  
MV: Bakura/Ryou!  
  
Ryou: (patting Yugi on the back) Aw Yugi, it'll be ok. You'll see.  
  
Bakura: You're all a bunch of (omitted due to vulgar content).  
  
MV: Malik/Yami Malik!  
  
Malik: Where's the real alcohol around this place?  
  
Monica: You mean like White Lightening and Old Grandad? (looks around to see if anyone is looking, pulls flask out of cleavage) You ain't get this from me.  
  
Malik: (grins like madman as he snatches the liquor) Right... (begins to guzzle greedily)  
  
Yami Malik: (laughs maniacally) Lick her...lick her...!  
  
Malik: It's liquor! (continues to drink)  
  
Yami Malik: (eyes Monica sadistically) Lick her...  
  
Monica: O_O  
  
Joey: I don't understand. How come I wasn't nominated? I got great hair!  
  
Seto: Right. And I'm known for my random acts of kindness.  
  
Joey: Just open the *bleep*in' envelope.  
  
Seto: (opens envelope casually, proceeds to read in monotone voice) And the winner is Yugi/Yami. Oh, like we didn't see that one coming.  
  
*Yami walks onto the stage, dragging a still crying Yugi with him*  
  
Yami: (takes Milli from Joey) Thank you. We'd like to thank the one person who made this all possible, the great and wonderful...  
  
*Yugi suddenly pushes him away from the mic, still hysterical and in tears*  
  
Yugi: (loudly) Avril! You'll be missed! I love you! I'm one of your biggest fans! I always have been! Just once, I wanted to kiss your lips, you feel your skin against mine, to...! (proceeds to go into detail about fantasies of Avril)  
  
Yami: O.O  
  
Seto: That's a little too graphic for this, don't you think?  
  
*Yami proceeds to drag his hikari off backstage*  
  
***Backstage****  
  
Yami: (to Monica) Do you have anything for this whimpering, vomitous mass of flesh?  
  
Monica: Oh yeah. Just give me 10 minutes in a broom closet-that'll straighten him out f'sho!  
  
Yami: ...Anything not involving sex.  
  
Monica: Lemme think...No. But there's some red Kool-Aid in the back w'some vodka in it. That'll calm him down.  
  
Yami: Thank you. (drags Yugi to the back for a drink)  
  
Monica: (calling after Yami) Call me! He fine, oh yeah!  
  
****Back onstage****  
  
Seto: That was just creepy.  
  
Joey: And now the moment you've all been waiting for.  
  
Seto: The part where we all leave?  
  
Joey: (laughs) Sit back Kaiba-this party ain't even started yet!  
  
Seto: (grimaces) I was afraid I'd hear that tonight.  
  
Joey: The very talented, bootylicious vocals of Beyonce, Kelly and Michelle- Destiny's Child!  
  
****Backstage****  
  
*Mokuba is still drinking, and Monica is working on her fourth Coke and rum. Laura comes up to her, concerned.*  
  
Laura: Monica, what if someone kills Destiny's Child?  
  
Monica: Well then they'll be dead won't they?  
  
Mokuba: I think she means what'll happen if they all die by the hand of the same person who killed Avril.  
  
Monica: Well then stage crew will clean them up too. Are ya'll really that stupid? (sips drink)  
  
Laura: (sighs in exasperation) I'm going to go change.  
  
Monica: Good idea. You do that.  
  
*Laura retreats to her dressing room. Seconds later, a horrified shriek is heard. She races out in a barely done bathrobe holding what appears to be a mere string.*  
  
Laura: (holds string up for all to see) WHAT IS THIS!?  
  
Monica: (eyes string calmly) A g-string.  
  
Laura: I AM NOT WEARING A G-STRING OUT ON THE STAGE!!! THAT'S...SIMPLY WRETCHED!!!  
  
Monica: (shrugs) Whatever man. (finishes off drink, hands cup to Mokuba) Mokuba, go get your aunt Monica another drink. Something with some cranberry juice and some vodka.  
  
Mokuba: ^_^ K! (proceeds to skip away)  
  
Laura: (moaning wearily) Why me? Why me, of all people? By the gods why...?  
  
*A couple of minutes pass. Mokuba returns with Monica's requested drink. She smiles, and plants a kiss on his temple.*  
  
Mokuba: Didja tell her about the rest of the outfit?  
  
Laura: O_O...There's more to this...horrible...thread?!  
  
Mokuba: Sure! You get to dress up like Playboy Bunnies!  
  
*Out in the audience, over the notes of Destiny's Child, a horrified screech is heard*  
  
Monica: ...You finished? I suggest you go get dressed. We on in like one minute.  
  
Laura: (grumbles on the way to the dressing room)  
  
****Onstage****  
  
*Destiny's Child takes its final bow, walks off. The host/hostesses enter, the ladies in raunchy Playboy Bunny outfits, complete with ears, tails and 3 inch heels, and Mokuba in an Armani tux. They approach the podium.*  
  
Mokuba: (grinning like madmen) Move over Hugh!  
  
Audience: *laughs*  
  
Monica: (now drinking cranberry juice and vodka) Ain't you just the cutest thing? Yes you are.  
  
Mokuba: Yes I am!  
  
Laura: For the love of Ra Monica, I'd like to get on with the show! There's a horrible draft on this stage.  
  
Monica: Tha's cause you ain't wer'in no draws.  
  
*camera zooms in on Laura's naked behind*  
  
Laura: That's it! (pulls guns out of seemingly nowhere) The next person to offend me in ANY way will pay the ultimate price!  
  
*crickets chirp*  
  
Monica: (laughs) Good lookin' out girl; you packin' heat. Tha's great. You know what my favorite part of any show is Mokuba?  
  
Mokuba: (sweetly) What?  
  
Monica: The villains. No show would be complete without villains. I mean, if we had a show just about good guys all the time, it'd be just plain god (omitted) boring. So we gots'ta give the villains they props.  
  
Mokuba: Yeah, I agree! And here to present the award for Best Villain, here's the two greatest villains in Yu-gi-ou, Malik and Pegasus!  
  
*presenters enter, host/hostesses exit*  
  
Pegasus: You know, I don't understand why I wasn't nominated for best hair style. I have beautiful hair.  
  
Malik: Right. And I'm known for my kindness to my sister.  
  
Pegasus: Whatever. (to audience) Ah, my adoring public. You've come back for more torture I see. Well torture you shall receive, for after this award, there shall be another bad performance. The only relief you'll get is the commercial break that will follow it.  
  
Malik: Be afraid. Be very afraid. For the nominees for Best Villain are...(laughs maniacally, coughs) Sorry. Haven't done that in quite a while.  
  
*thunder claps, lightening flashes*  
  
Malik: O_O Where'd that come from?  
  
*screen lowers*  
  
MV: Pegasus J. Crawford!  
  
Audience: *rejoices*  
  
Pegasus: (throwing kisses) Thank you, thank you!  
  
MV: Malik!  
  
A: *continues to clap*  
  
Malik: That's me!  
  
MV: Yami Malik!  
  
Yami Malik: (grins evilly)  
  
A: *claps out of fear*  
  
MV: Seto Kaiba!  
  
A: *polite applause*  
  
Seto: (yawns, obviously bored)  
  
MV: Bakura!  
  
A: *continues to clap*  
  
Bakura: (glaring at audience) Your time will come!  
  
MV: And the Rare Hunters!  
  
*crickets chirp*  
  
Pegasus: No need to open the envelope Malik; I already know who won. My Millenium Eye allows me to see through that envelope! That, and I just *beep*ed a judge, so I already know who wins everything.  
  
Malik: (obviously jealous) Lucky (obviously omitted due to content)  
  
Pegaus: No, you're the lucky one! The winner is you Malik!  
  
A: *cheers wildly*  
  
Malik: (snatches Milli away from Pegasus, glares at audience) What're you cheering for?! I won't spare any of your lives! I still plan on becoming Pharoah, and when I do, you will all suffer!!  
  
*applause stops abruptly*  
  
Pegasus: (laughs) You certainly have a way with words Malik! And now, onto your next torturous performance, a younger, but still quite talentless Brittany Spears!  
  
A: *claps*  
  
Malik: O.O Where'd she come from?!  
  
Pegasus: On loan from the Museum of Obviously Fake Things.  
  
****Backstage****  
  
*Yami Malik is cowering in a corner*  
  
Bakura: What's wrong with him?  
  
Ryou: He has a Brittany Spears phobia.  
  
Bakura: Don't we all? (shudders visably)  
  
****On Stage****  
  
Brittany: (horribly off key) Oh baby baby, how was I supposed to know that something wasn't right here?  
  
Seto: (from audience, cringes violently) Obviously you haven't checked the way you sound lately! That's certainly not right on any natural level.  
  
Brittany: Oh pretty baby, I shouldn't have let you go! And now you're right outside here!  
  
****Backstage****  
  
*Yami Malik begins to desperately claw at the walls*  
  
Ryou: No Yami Malik! You shouldn't do that; you'll ruin your mineral structure! (proceeds to pull said Yami away from wall)  
  
****On Stage****  
  
Brittany: (continuing to sing horribly) Show me how you want it to be! Tell me baby cause I need to know now all because...! My lonliness is killing me, and I...I must confess, I still believe! Still believe! When I'm not with you I loose my mind-give me a sign! Hit me baby one more time!  
  
*Suddenly a giant anvil drops out of nowhere, smashing the pop princess into a merciless pop pancake on the floor. Blood is everywhere.*  
  
*Yugi, Monica, Mokuba and Laura hurriedly enter from the right.*  
  
Yugi: (throwing himself in Brittany's blood) Dear gods, they've taken another one! How many more innocents must we lose?! Why gods?! Why!!??  
  
Monica: Let's get stage crew to clean this up! And go to commercial!  
  
****While Commercial is Airing****  
  
Laura: That's the second time someone's been killed here, and onstage. Monica, we've got to stop this-it's becoming a trend.  
  
Mokuba: (staring at palm pilot that appeared out of nowhere) Yea, but our ratings are going up too. People really want to see these divas get clobbered. Not just the divas. They like the apparent wackiness of it all.  
  
Laura: (curiously) Mokuba, what're you doing?  
  
Mokuba: Talking to my agent. He's trying to get me a part in the next Pokemon movie; Yu-gi-oh's so last season.  
  
Laura: -_-  
  
Monica: How'd you know about the ratings?  
  
Mokuba: I'm tuned in to the people who keep track of that sort of thing through my a bug in the system.  
  
Monica: ^_^ Well aren't you clever?  
  
Mokuba: Glad someone noticed.  
  
Laura: Yes, but Monica, what are we going to do about these killings?  
  
Monica: (shrugs) I ain't finna stop them. They raising ratings-I promptly declare that they continue. In fact, I'd like to make a suggestion. Kill Tea. I can't stand her.  
  
Laura: (horrified) MONICA!!  
  
Monica: (to Mokuba) Let's go find some weed. We got time for a good puff before we come back from commercial. I'll show you how to puff-puff-give.  
  
Laura:...This...is wretched.  
  
****  
  
L-Seph and Griff: *thumbs up* Thanks for doing that thing!  
  
Lady Sephiroth: Oh and hey, good news! We've got our own late night talk/comedy show coming out, where we'll be interviewing the stars and Yu- gi-oh fans with the help of the cast!  
  
Griffin: So if you want to be a guest star and meet/be interviewed by your favorite Yu-gi-oh character, just email either one of us! Griffin_of_malik@yyhmail.com or Lady_sephiroth@yyhmail.com. If you ask in a review, your request will be ignored.  
  
Lady Sephiroth: There's only 25 episodes, so space is limited. It's on a first come/first serve basis, so the first 25 of you will be interviewed. Sorry! And you can only be interviewed once, so you won't be accused of being a stage hog.  
  
Griffin: If you're one of the first 25, your interview questions will be sent to you via email to be filled out in a form type thingie. We'll tell you when it's up and running, so look for that! Also special thanks to those who reviewed, which would be the following...  
  
Yami Malik: I wanna do it!  
  
Griffin: ^.^ Go ahead! *to Sephiroth* He's so cute.  
  
Lady Sephiroth: O.o  
  
Yami Malik: Um...special thanks to: Space Case, Yamis-Pharoess, and ACME- Rian. (laughs maniacally)  
  
Griffin: Thank you cutie. I love when he does that. Loyal reviewers, I have a request. Email me with your names at my email address if you want to be random audience members, and people in my commercials. And tell me who you want to be in a commercial with, but please no detail. I'll see if I can find a spot for you with whoever you request, but if I can't don't be mad. Once again, if you tell me in a review your request will be ignored. ^.^ Flames will be laughed at, and ultimately ignored. Oh, and Yami Kajita, you're in one of my upcoming commercials, even though I had no idea who you are, so email me anyway, or I might take you out. X.X  
  
Lady Sephiroth: And one more thing. If you've got an idea for an award, please, please tell us! I'm running out of ideas, and there's supposed to be around 10 parts. And now you can review! 


	4. THREE commercial breaks?

****Commercial Break****  
  
*Bakura walks onto screen, eyeing priceless jewelry in the window of a store that's closed. He looks around to see if anyone's coming.*  
  
We all do dumb things.  
  
*Bakura breaks the window, automatically setting off numerous alarms. He snatches the jewelry and turns to run, only to find several 6 feet tall guards.*  
  
Bakura: O.O  
  
*the guards beat Bakura mercilessly, handcuffing him afterwards.*  
  
Bakura: I plead insanity!!  
  
Paying too much for car insurance doesn't have to be one of them. Call 1- 800-GEICO. Fifteen minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. Geico.  
  
****End Commercial****  
  
Yami: One morning, I woke up to greet my friends.  
  
Bakura: Yami, you're fat.  
  
Malik: It's true. You're overweight You've got love handles. And saddle bags under your eyes.  
  
Bakura:...He's right! For the longest time, I thought you were a bellhop with all those bags!  
  
Malik: You've got a beer gut too.  
  
Yami:...But I don't drink beer.  
  
Malik:...So?  
  
Bakura: Yeah, so?  
  
Yami: I knew I had to do something. So I picked up the phone. And I called Jenny Craig.  
  
*several weeks later*  
  
Yami: I lost 93 pounds on the Jenny Craig program, and I feel great.  
  
Bakura: *tears in eyes from laughing* He only weighed 94!!! If I sat on him, I'd break him in half!!  
  
Malik: *also crying from laughing* No, wait! I've got an idea! Hey Yami!  
  
Yami: *turns around* Yes?  
  
Malik: You're fat! You look like a grandma! Not very fitting of a Pharaoh!  
  
Bakura: Not much of anything fits him now...his clothes...his shoes...his ego...*snorts*  
  
Malik: His hair weighs more than his whole body...meaning his head is empty.  
  
Yami: *walks off* I'll just lose more weight!  
  
Bakura:...If he loses anymore he'll disappear.  
  
Malik:...Who's complaining? I'm not.  
  
Bakura:...He'll be nothing but a pile of bones.  
  
Malik:...True. But like I said, who cares.  
  
*in a sing-song voice* 1-800-97-Jenny!  
  
****End Commercial****  
  
Yugi: *in the middle of Madison Square Garden, holding up gigantic sign* Save Avril! Don't let her death be in vain!!  
  
Yami: Yugi, you can't save her. She's dead.  
  
Bakura: *sipping martini glass full of Beaujolais-Villages Jean-Marc Aujoux wine casually, with his hand in his pocket. He's wearing a black tuxedo with only two buttons of his shirt fastened, and his bow tie is hanging around his neck, untied.* Will you shut up Motou? I could give less than a (omitted) about your loser Snapple.  
  
Yugi: But, we can bring her back! We're trying to get enough money to pay Kaiba for the use of his realistic duel system! Then we can use Monster Reborn!  
  
Yami:...For what?  
  
Yugi: To save Avril!!  
  
Yami:...She's a duel monster?  
  
Yugi: No, but the effects will be the same!  
  
Bakura: *still sipping* She's a monster alright, but I don't think you could duel with her.  
  
Yami:...I think she's a duel monster.  
  
Yugi: No she's not-  
  
Yami: *snatches the mike from Yugi* I have reason to believe Avril was a duel monster. One of a kind.  
  
Yugi: She meant more to me than anything! Please fund our research!  
  
Yami Kajita: (from audience) Who cares?!  
  
Dimitri: (also in audience; with his annoyingly cute voice) Yeah Anvil sucked!  
  
Yugi: It's Avril!  
  
Yami Kajita: He's right! Anvil is what killed Brittany Spears! It was brilliant!  
  
Dimitri: ^.^ Tell it like it is sister!  
  
Yugi: Bakura, could you help?  
  
Bakura: I wouldn't fund this if Monica was dancing naked on a piano wearing absolutely nothing but a Playboy Bunny bow tie. TM.  
  
Yami: Preach it.  
  
Ryou: Don't give up Yugi! Someone out there agrees with you.  
  
Yugi: You're right! I'll always have you and Teà and Tristan to back me up!  
  
Ryou:...Nah, I'll think I'll sit this one out.  
  
Yugi: WHAT?!  
  
Ryou: (calmly) People die everyday. I certainly can't help you. What's done is done. Here have a cookie. Yugi: *takes cookie, throws it into audience* That's for you, Avril! And so is this! *jumps off of the stage, hoping to be caught, but only winds up tasting cement, landing flat on his face.*  
  
Bakura: *still sipping drink* And if you'll turn to your right, you'll see this nice fresh personal pan pizza...which is in the shape of a midget. TM.  
  
Yami: What's TM?  
  
Bakura: Trade mark.  
  
Yami: No, I mean what's trade mark.  
  
Bakura: My midget crack on Yugi.  
  
****End Commercial Break****  
  
Laura: (cheesy smile plastered on her face) Welcome back!  
  
Monica: Yeah, they got that blood off the floor finally. I hope the guy that slipped in it and broke his spine isn't like *dead* or anything. That'd be a mess to clean up.  
  
Mokuba: Not really. They'd just toss him in a big trash bag and burn it.  
  
Audience: *laughs*  
  
Mokuba: ...That wasn't supposed to be funny.  
  
Monica: Yeah, uh...I don't think they care.  
  
Laura: We've come to our first big event of the evening, the presentation of the very first Osiris Deathtime Achievement Award.  
  
Monica: Deathtime achievement? That sound kind of final right there.  
  
Mokuba: O.O  
  
Laura: Yes, well, to tell us about this award is our very special, very honored guest, everyone's favorite owner of the Sennen Tauk, Ishtar Isis. And to help her at this glorious moment in her life, Shadi.  
  
Monica: ^_^ Oh yeah, he fine!  
  
*host/hostesses exit, presenters enter. Giant screen lowers behind them.*  
  
Isis: (in her ever creepy voice) You know, Deathtime Achievement is much better than Lifetime Achievement. The Osiris Deathtime Achievement Award is bestowed upon by mere mortals through the grace of the gods, as a promise that what they've done will be remembered in the Afterlife, and may very well tip the Sennen Scale in their favor, when weighed against the Feather of Truth.  
  
Shadi:...Not really. It's just a gold statue in the shape of the Sphinx-as if that represents greatness or something.  
  
Isis: ...It does.  
  
Shadi: ...Not really. Anyway, it's particularly ugly, as is the very first acceptor of this award, Ishtar Malik.  
  
****In audience****  
  
Malik: (obviously shocked) Me?! Ugly.!!?? AS IF!!!  
  
****Onstage****  
  
*pictures of Malik's life flash across the screen as the two presenters narrate*  
  
Isis: Malik was always a special child. He did after all murder our father.  
  
*Picture of Malik covered in blood flashes across screen*  
  
Malik: (in audience) ACK!! Bringing back.painful memories.!!  
  
Shadi: And he used the Millennium Rod to take over the minds of various slaves and form the ever creepy and present Rare Hunters.  
  
*crickets chirp*  
  
Shadi:...Why does that keep happening every time someone says Rare Hunters?  
  
*cricket chirps*  
  
Yami Kajita: (shouting from the distance) Because they're not important! And they suck! Like Teà!  
  
Teà: HEY!  
  
Shadi: Good point.  
  
Isis: But particularly this award is being given for a very unique trait of my brother's. More specifically...the Memory.  
  
*A hushed whisper falls over the audience as a picture of the Memory is shown on the screen behind them.*  
  
Malik: (clutches chest) Memories...threatening...to...overwhelm...me!  
  
Isis: Malik, you've been chosen by the gods to receive this award because of your Memory. The entire Yu-gi-ou series is focused around the contents of what our father carved in your back. However painful it may have been, you're a very important character, for without you, there would be no Yu-gi- ou.  
  
Shadi: ...Believe what you want. And now, for no particular reason, the Mysterious Voice will narrate Malik's life and show some stupid pictures of when he was a kid up until now.  
  
MV: Malik is very hot. His entire childhood he lived underground. This did not stop him from being hot-only added to it.  
  
*Screen shows picture of Malik with his shirt off sweating in the Sahara sun, drinking a bottled water.*  
  
Girls in Audience: *cheer wildly*  
  
Tea: *mouth agape* Malik, when did you get to be shaped like that?!  
  
Malik: That was like a year ago, I was modeling to keep money coming in so that I could take over the world. Those are Guess? Jeans, by the way- another shameless promotion.  
  
Bakura: You don't say. Guess?  
  
Malik: TM.  
  
MV: After a crazed encounter with his father through his Yami, Malik abruptly killed him.  
  
*Picture of Malik standing with his back partially exposed through a shower curtain, hair and skin dripping wet.*  
  
Girls in Audience: *wolf calls*  
  
Malik: ^_^ That was when I was doing Irish Springs-the fresh scent of Malik! TM.  
  
MV: After obtaining the Sennen Rod, Malik's greatest dream was to gather all 3 god cards and take over the world, proclaiming himself Pharaoh over Yami.  
  
*Picture of Malik leaning against his bike, shirt open, blowing in the wind, hair slightly mussed, tight jeans open to reveal snug fitting boxers.*  
  
Malik: Hey, that's one of my International Male pictures! TM.  
  
Seto: These are nothing but shameless self promotions of your products and uses as a model.  
  
Malik: It's about time I got some exposure!  
  
MV: Originally, Malik possessed two of the three god cards-Ra and Sliffer.  
  
*Picture of Malik pops up leaning up against Sliffer, who is curled up in a tight dragon pose, holding up the Ra card towards the camera in nothing but baggy jeans and K Swiss.*  
  
Malik: Oh wow! That's one of my best pictures!  
  
Bakura: I'll say! You've really been working out!  
  
Malik: (sheepishly) Well, I try. It's kind of hard to keep your stomach this flat, but I know how to make sacrifices.  
  
MV: But he gave them both over to Yami for safekeeping, after his spirit was supposedly banished to the Shadow Realm.  
  
Yami Malik: Will...kill...Yami...(laughs maniacally)  
  
Ryou: I think he's really holding a grudge against you Yami.  
  
Yami: (shrugs)  
  
Yugi: (is now quite sober because of Kool-Aid/vodka drink) Is it just me, or is Malik really hot?  
  
All: O.O  
  
Yugi: If I were a girl, I'd definitely date him! He could have my panties anytime!  
  
Malik:...You wear panties?  
  
Joey: O.O You're a girl!?  
  
MV: Today Malik can be seen modeling for various fashion companies, and hopes to one day still proclaim himself King of Egypt. Until that time, he'll submit to Yami.  
  
Malik: Untrue!  
  
Yami Malik: (angrily) A damnable lie!  
  
Shadi: ...That was just pointless. Alright Malik, come up here and get your stupid award.  
  
Audience: *claps, girls whistle wildly*  
  
*Malik approaches the podium*  
  
Malik: (snatches award from Shadi, smiles at Isis) Thank you so very much! I have just one thing to say on such a very special occasion: Shadi is bald! (knocks turban off of Shadi's head, revealing bald globe) That's for calling me ugly. (laughs, walks off stage)  
  
Audience: *laughs as Shadi collects his hat and stomps off stage*  
  
Isis: We'll be back after a word from our sponser.  
  
****Commercial Break****  
  
(Yami Malik's eyes are pasted against a sign in a zoo that reads: "Do NOT feed the animals." He looks around to see if anyone's coming.)  
  
We all do dumb things.  
  
(Yami Malik snatches Seto Lover and throws them over the railing into the pit below, which happens to be the lion's den.)  
  
Seto Lover: AH!!!  
  
Yami Malik: (laughing maniacally) (to guards) You'll never take me alive!!!! (bends over and moons the guards shamelessly and starts running like hell)  
  
Flaming Griffin of Malik and Lady Sephiroth doesn't have to be one of them. Although this has nothing to do with our insurance. Call 1-800-GEICO. A fifteen minute call could save you 15% or more on car insurance. Geico.  
  
****End Commercial****  
  
Bakura: Hi, I'm Bakura.  
  
Ryou: And I'm Ryou.  
  
Bakura: (obviously angry) We're here to do the public a favor by telling you about this limousine service. It will take you anywhere you want-within the whole city block-for a very nice price.  
  
Ryou: -_- It's $$1,000,000,000,000.94 per person. How is that nice?  
  
Bakura: For the limousine driver. That means he can get one billion double dollars to take someone down the street. He'll never have to work again. Unless he's greedy.  
  
Ryou: You mean like you? We're supposed to warn these people Bakura.  
  
Bakura: Really. Well isn't that something.  
  
Ryou: They could be disguised as any car company, and they hold people against their will if you don't pay them.  
  
Bakura: And ultimately, if you don't pay them, they'll take it out of your (omitted).  
  
Ryou: O.O Don't tell people that!  
  
Bakura: I don't see why not. (pulls out bottle of 1993 Sutter Home White Zinfandel and drinks straight from the bottle, but amazingly doesn't look like an alcoholic)  
  
Ryou:...I think you're an alcoholic. Every time I see you, you're drinking. And it's always old. What is that?  
  
Bakura:...Hear that? It's the sound of no one caring about your stupid questions.  
  
Ryou: -.-...*whimpers slightly* How can you be so mean??  
  
Bakura:...Quite carefully, I would hope.  
  
Ryou: O.O Please be careful of the limousines you choose to ride in.  
  
****End Commercial****  
  
Mokuba: (obviously on a sugar high, singing) Yuugi Motou, where are you, the Pharaoh's calling me!  
  
Ryou: (also on a sugar high, singing) Solve the puzzle, transformate into the Duel King and teach me...Yami Yuugi!  
  
Mokuba: Summoning and defending-  
  
Ryou: Come on let's go!!  
  
Mokuba: -Face down, flip affect, fusion is the final key!  
  
Malik: (flatly, showing no emotion) Exodia the Forbidden One e-e-e-entered my possession now the d-d-d-d-duel is done.  
  
All: O.O  
  
Malik: What are you staring at???  
  
Bakura: (not even singing, just talking, and sipping on Haig & Haig whiskey) Yo, Weevil, don't you understand? It's not the man in the fight, it's the fight in the man.  
  
All except Malik: O.O  
  
Yami: I'm the master of the duel, it's been a pleasure to beat you-  
  
Ryou: Come on let's go!!  
  
Bakura: The faggotronics ensues. I've paid my debt to society.  
  
All except Malik and Bakura: (still singing in background)  
  
Teà: (cheesily) Music Inspired by the Yu-Gi-Ou: Music To Duel By Soundtrack. Come pick up your copy today!  
  
****End Commercial Break****  
  
*Camera focuses on podium, where host/hostesses are now standing*  
  
Monica: Hey now! Did ya'll see them pictures of Malik? I was like, good gracious, ass is bodacious! Flirtatious tryin' to show patience! I was lookin' for the right time to flash them keys, you know, and.whatever. Hey, Malik, we should hook up. You got the body, I got the mind-oh yeah!  
  
Malik: ^_^ She wants me!  
  
Yami Malik: (licking Sennen Rod) Very...Hot...  
  
Monica: O.O Uh...just keep yo' Yami away and we'll be fine.  
  
Mokuba: Things are really starting to heat up around here Monica! Like you said, it's getting hot in here!  
  
Monica: So take off all yo' clothes!  
  
Laura: Actually, we'll do you one better. Here to perform his not-so-new single, here's Nelly and the Saint Lunatics, with "Air Force Ones"!  
  
*music starts. Host/hostesses exit, cameraman focuses center stage*  
  
****Back Stage****  
  
Laura: What horror have we unleashed upon mankind?  
  
Monica: Whatchu mean, Nelly?  
  
Laura: No, you! How can you just shamelessly hit on Malik like that?! That's...just disgusting! I'm going to go change!  
  
Monica: Yeah. You do that. I said gimme two pair, cuz! I need two pair, so I can get to stompin' in my Air Force Ones! Big Boys, stompin' in my Air Force Ones!  
  
Mokuba: Monica, I'm gonna go change too!  
  
Monica: Actually baby, I need you to do me a favor. See, I'm trying to hook up with that fine, FINE brotha of yours lookin' like SHAFT and er'thang.  
  
Mokuba: ^_^ Say no more! I know just the thing that'll do it.  
  
Monica: Good lookin' out! Oh yeah!  
  
****In Audience****  
  
Seto: (slides down in chair) This...is too...horrible...  
  
Malik: (sits down in seat) You know, Monica's really hot.  
  
Seto: (sarcastically) Oh yeah, she's scorching. On fire baby.  
  
Yami Malik: (still licking dagger/rod) Sexy...(does primal wolf call)  
  
Seto: O.O That was just creepy.  
  
****Onstage****  
  
*Nelly finishes his performance and exits with the St. Lunatics. Monica, Mokuba, and Laura enter, dressed in matching Los Angeles Lakers outfits: the girls in jersey dresses and Timberland heels, and Mokuba in a jersey, baggy Fubu jeans and Air Force Ones. Around his neck he wears a purple bandana. They approach the podium.*  
  
Monica: Aw Mokuba, lookit'cha! You look so cute-aw, ain't you sweet? Who's your favorite Lakers player?  
  
Mokuba: (proudly) Kobe Bryant! He da man!  
  
Laura: Well I personally like that Yao Ming fellow from the Rockets. (slightly embarrassed) He's rather cute.  
  
Monica: Oh yeah, he fine. Hey, I like Kobe and er'thang, love the Wizards- you know, go Michael-and the Rockets are like numba one in my heart or whatever, but I gotta give my all time ghetto props to Steve Blake.  
  
Mokuba: ...Who's Steve Blake?  
  
Monica: He actually a Maryland Terrapin playa from college. He real good- white dude, got game, great at passin', assists, teamwork. I hear he goin' to the NBA, so we'll be lookin' out for him won't we Mokuba?  
  
Mokuba: ^_^ Sure! As long as something I say later on deserves an Arbor Mist!  
  
Monica: Now you know it will baby. We gone take this show to commercial break, but when we come back, we'll have more awards, and more bad performances hopefully with more bloodshed right after this.  
  
Audience: *claps politely*  
  
MV: There's more mayhem to come on the very first Millenium Awards with your hosts Monica, Laura Croft and Mokuba!  
  
Laura: (testily) That's HOSTESSES!!  
  
****Commercial Break****  
  
(at the tryouts for Snuggle)  
  
Director: Next!  
  
Malik: (walks on to the screen, grinning like a psychopath) I'm snuggly soft, but I can do a lot of other things too. Like this: (throws Sennen dagger at the camera man, which lands directly in the middle of his forehead) Now that's talent!  
  
Director: O.O We'll...call you...Next!  
  
Bakura: (walks onto screen) I just wanted to publicly declare death on all who do not use Snuggle. It keeps your fabric soft; and honestly, who wants to take over the world if your clothes are chaffing you?  
  
Malik: Amen!  
  
Director: O.O This is supposed to be tryouts for Snuggle...you're well aware of that right?  
  
Bakura: (completely ignoring the director) Not that you'll live if you use Snuggle.  
  
Malik: (nods head) We just want to make sure you die in soft clothing. So you'll be comfy.  
  
Director: O_O Um.we'll call you.  
  
Snuggle: (in annoyingly cute voice) What's going on here?  
  
Bakura: (as an automatic reaction to Snuggle's voice, he shoots him in the head)  
  
Snuggle: X_X  
  
Bakura:...Oh well.  
  
****End Commercial****  
  
(Goldfish swimming across screen, cheesy music plays in background)  
  
Tristan: (singing) Did you know they're made with real cheese, even though they look like fishies?  
  
Yami: (singing) The snack that smiles back, Goldfish!  
  
Yami Malik: (comes out of no where and eats Goldfish, then starts eating the camera and crew)  
  
****End Commercial Break****  
  
****  
  
Lady Sephiroth: Don't worry. We won't be gone for long. We shall be back.  
  
Griffin: ^_^ It's nice that Malik won a Deathtime Achievement Award. He really deserved it.  
  
Lady Sephiroth: There will be more achievement awards you know, right after this brief chapter break. And hey, thanks for doing that thing you do!  
  
Dimitri: (in his oh so ever adorable voice) Thank you for that cameo appearance.  
  
Lady Sephiroth: No problem. You know you're my favorite, baby!  
  
Griffin: -.- You just said that to Lookit not five minutes ago.  
  
Lookit: No she didn't, lookit.  
  
Griffin: Liar.  
  
Lookit: XD Lookit! I'd like to thank the following for reviewing: Sen Taro Taisensei, who supposedly is one of the coolest people ever lookit.  
  
Griffin: ^_^ And you're always welcome in commercials and anywhere else Sen- chan!  
  
Lookit: Also thank you seirei queen of darkness, lynx wings, malik's gurl, and Sentine, who's laziness astouneded her, Lookit. Oh, and thank you India, thank you disillusionment, thank you nothingness, thank you clarity, and thank you thank you silence! Lookit!  
  
Griffin: -.- Thank you Alanis Lookit. Flames will be laughed at, possibly retorted, and forgotten. Email any questions to me if you wish. Thanks loyal reviewers!  
  
Lookit: I don't own that song Lookit! I disclaim!  
  
Malik: *Holds up sign that reads "WILL PREFORM FAVORS FOR FREEDOM"* (whispering) It's true. 


	5. Best Female Char and Bakura drinking

Mokuba: Welcome back! Hey, in case you're just tuning in, here's a recap. Nelly just preformed Air Force Ones, Malik received the very first Osiris Deathtime Achievement Award, and we all found out Shadi is bald! We haven't had very much action around here-just awards and musical guests. No comedy or anything like that.  
  
Monica: That's cause we're the comedy baby! And anyway, no one's funnier than Yami Malik.  
  
Mokuba: ?_? I thought you said that he was very creepy.  
  
Monica: (whispering) Yeah, and I think he stalkin' me. I don't wanna get killed or anything.  
  
Yami Malik: (grinning evilly from backstage)  
  
Laura: Anyway, it's nice to know that Malik finally got some credit for something. For all the abuse we put him through, we always forget to honor him as one of the most important Yu-gi-oh Characters of all time.  
  
Monica: Ok, enough with the kissing of the ass. You know what Mokuba, my favorite award is coming up.  
  
Mokuba: What?  
  
Monica: Cutest Bishonen. Whoever wins will also get a night out on the town with me and Laura. It's the biggest award here. So reviewers, don't forget to vote! It's ver important-who I'm seen with in public will either make me or break me.  
  
Laura: ...Yes, well anyway, we've got more wonderful awards to present. We don't want you to forget that the female characters are just as important as the male characters. Here to present the award for Best Female Character are two men who certainly have a very respectful view of women-Solomon and Yami.  
  
*Host/hostesses exit, presenters enter*  
  
Yami: (one hand in pocket, grinning mischieviously) You know grandpa, girls are hot.  
  
Grandpa: I agree. Girls are very hot.  
  
Yami: Yes. Especially virgins with large breasts.  
  
Grandpa: Really Yami? You're a breast man? ^_^ So'm I!  
  
Yami: Actually, I'm from Egypt, and our women had large butts and thighs, so while I like breasts-A LOT-I'll have to say that I'm a butt and thigh man myself. (grinning shamelessly) I must have something to grab while we're (omitted due to content).  
  
Audience: O.O  
  
Yami Malik: (laughing maniacally) Monica...!  
  
Yami: Yes, like Monica. I will definitely be going out on a date with both her and Laura Croft. And it won't be because I won Cutest Bishounen.  
  
Laura: (from backstage) You're sick Yami! We don't perform those kinds of services!  
  
Grandpa: Hmm, you don't find Laura's bust to be intimidating Yami?  
  
Yami: Actually, I look of it as a mountain. And like the song says, "Ain't no mountain high enough."  
  
Guys in audience: *cheer wildly*  
  
Yami: (grins devilishly) And ain't no valley low enough.  
  
Monica: (from backstage) Hey now! I'd love to wash in his old bathwater-oh yeah!  
  
Grandpa: ^_^ Perhaps we should present the award for Best Female Character.  
  
Yami: Just so you all know, this award is based largely on the woman's shape and how they'd look in a bikini. All male members of the show-and Monica-voted on this award. It was quite close, let me assure you.  
  
Grandpa: Yes, quite close. And the nominees for Best Female Character are...  
  
MV: Mai!  
  
Guys in audience: *wolf whistles*  
  
Mai: (rolling eyes) Get off it.  
  
MV: Serenity!  
  
GIA: *cheers wildly*  
  
Serenity: (smiling, blushing) Thanks!  
  
MV: Ishizu Ishtar!  
  
GIA: *wolf calls, other obscene comments, wild, almost drunken cheering*  
  
Isis: (blinks)  
  
MV: And Tea!  
  
Tea: Whoo-hoo!  
  
Audience: *is dead silent*  
  
*frog croaks*  
  
Tea: -_- Why am I always the one who's being abused?  
  
Grandpa: (grinning) Open the envelope Yugi-I want to see who won!  
  
Yami: It's Yami. Yugi wouldn't have the balls to be up here. (opens envelope) And the winner is.Isis!  
  
Audience: *goes completely wild*  
  
*Isis approaches the podium*  
  
Isis: Thank you, but I cannot accept this award. You see, if was not given to me because of my brains or actual importance in the show. It was given to me because I look good in a bikini. That is so shallow. I refuse to participate in this disgusting category. All of you should be ashamed of yourselves. Women are not objects. We are free independent creatures, and without us, none of you would even exist.  
  
Mai: Preach it sister!  
  
Yami: Then we'll just give it to Serenity.  
  
Serenity: Actually, I don't want it. I'm allergic to gold.  
  
Tea: I'll take it!  
  
Yami: (looks around) Did you hear someone speaking?  
  
Grandpa: No. Let's go use this thing to hurt someone.  
  
Yami: We'll beat Tea with it. She's a *beep* anyway.  
  
Grandpa: ^_^ Good idea!  
  
*Presenters/Isis walk offstage. Camera focuses center stage where the podium is.*  
  
Monica: We've just received word that the following artists have been mysteriously killed: Lopez, Jennifer. That is all.  
  
Laura: (obviously sickened by the thought) Someone put a sickle through her head.  
  
Mokuba: ^_^ It was so cool! Just like it is in the horror shows! Except real!  
  
Laura: Mokuba, this is serious! Someone's killing off these artists! What if one of us is next!?  
  
Monica: A woman with guns should never doubt herself. Which brings me to my next point. Jenny was supposed to perform her hit "I'm Real", and obviously, her death got to her before we could. We need a musical performance in that slot.  
  
Mokuba: Monica, you can sing and dance!  
  
Monica: ...^_^ Why yes Mokuba. Yes I can.  
  
Mokuba: Why don't you do something?  
  
Monica: This is very much on the spot, but fortunately I've prepared for this occasion with a little routine that I had to take from Soul Decision- whose talent couldn't fill up a baby pacifier.  
  
Mokuba: Who's Soul Decision?  
  
Monica: Me! It's my sole decision to have yo fine ass brotha up here to help me with this routine.  
  
Seto: O.O  
  
*The other Yu-gi-oh cast members conveniently burst out laughing*  
  
Malik: Seto, you can dance?!  
  
Seto: (blushing madly) NO, I DON'T DANCE!  
  
Yugi: Now that I think about it, didn't I see you coming out of a dance studio before you got here?  
  
Seto: THAT WASN'T ME!!  
  
Yami: Yeah right. Who was it, your Yami?  
  
Mokuba: (grinning sweetly) Don't be silly big brother! Usher asked you to be one of the dancers in his next video! Of course you can dance! You just don't like to do it in public.  
  
Monica: (grinning mischievously) Is that so. Usher, you say? One of the biggest entertainers in the R&B industry?  
  
Seto: (obviously panicking) There's no way I'm getting up on that stage! You can't prove that I can dance!  
  
Malik: Well, I can dance. I'll gladly dance with you Monica!  
  
Monica: Baby, we can dance later-oh yeah!  
  
Mokuba: Come on Seto! We've got extra airspace and we need to fill it! (proceeds with puppy dog eyes) Please big brother? For me?  
  
Monica: Hey now!  
  
Seto: (grumbling) Fine. But I demand that this not be aired on Television.  
  
Laura: What're you talking about Seto? We're live.  
  
Seto: O.O  
  
Audience: *laughs*  
  
*Monica takes Seto's hand and drags him backstage*  
  
Laura: While they're preparing an impromptu performance-which is very likely to go wrong-we're going to a commercial break.  
  
Mokuba: We'll be back after a word from our sponsers! ^_^ I love saying that!  
  
****Commercial Break****  
  
Yami: Hi. This is my good friend, the Dills-berry Troe-boy.  
  
Yuugi: O,O Um.I thought it was the Pillsbury Doughboy...  
  
Yami: SILENCE!!  
  
Dills-berry Troe-boy: o.o  
  
Yami: Ahem...He helps me when Yuugi comes in from a long day of school, getting beat up and such, and we make cinnamon rolls. Isn't that right?  
  
Dills-berry Troe-boy: (in sing-song) My fart to yours...  
  
Yuugi: O,O Um...Yami, I don't think...he's the same...  
  
Yami: -_- Yuugi, not now. In fact, we just made some cinnamon rolls! Let's see how they turned out! (puts on oven mittens and takes out cinnamon rolls)  
  
Yuugi: Hmm that smells...O-O HORRIBLE!!! WHAT IS THAT?!?!?!  
  
Yami: Um...Dill made them. (points to DT)  
  
DT: Their my baked roach cinnamon rolls! Hoo Hoo!  
  
Yuugi:...That's rancid! Avril, my dear! I'm ready to join you!!!  
  
****End commercial****  
  
(Ryou has placed a blindfold over Bakura's eyes for a *surprise* .)  
  
Ryou: (takes blindfold off of Bakura) Surprise!!!  
  
Bakura: (holding martini glass filled with Grey Goose Vodka, sipping casually) What the hell, Ryou? (looks around to see people staring at him)...You will have *the most* painful...(looks up to see a giant sign that says: "ACOHOLICS ANONYMOUS") -.- I'm not an alcoholic Ryou.  
  
Ryou: (decides to ignore his yami's interesting choice of words)...This is Bob.  
  
Bob: Hi. I'm Bob.  
  
Bakura: -.- (still sipping vodka) You don't say.  
  
Ryou: He said that maybe you...might be in denial of being an alcoholic. Understand that I only want what's best for you, and you'll get along just fine here.  
  
Bakura:...I *don't have* a drinking problem.  
  
Ryou:...Of course you don't. You just need to...ease up off of liquor for a while.  
  
Bakura: I *don't* have a drinking problem. You act like my kidneys are going to fail.  
  
Ryou: Every time I see you, you've got a drink in your hand; how are you not an alcoholic?  
  
Bakura: Because I don't wake up in the middle of the night sweating because my body needs alcohol. (looks around) Like all of *these* pitiful souls.  
  
Ryou: *frowns* That's not a very nice thing to say.  
  
Bakura: It wasn't a very nice thing to bring me here. (pulls out champagne glasses, margaritas, olives and salt out of no where) Now, who wants some?  
  
All in room: O.O  
  
Random person: Must...resist temptation...  
  
Random person: Yeah! You're not gonna get me drinking again! I've been sober for 8 weeks!  
  
Bakura: *sighs* Suit yourself. *sits on the floor and starts making margaritas, drinking them; also pulls out bottles of gin and juice* What a thirst quencher.  
  
Ryou: -.-  
  
Random person:...One won't hurt...right Bob?  
  
Bob: ^o^ Of course not! Drink to your heart's desire! Just remember you still owe me money before you leave this room.  
  
Bakura: (sits drinks on floor) Help yourself.  
  
(all in the room start picking up drinks, drinking them)  
  
Bakura: (to Ryou) See? Look how happy they are.  
  
Ryou: *mouth drops open* I cannot believe you did that!  
  
Bakura: *grins devilishly* Helping people isn't as bad as I thought.  
  
Dimitri: O.O Oh no! *falls over and dies*  
  
Bob: o.o Uh-oh. That was Dimitri. He had kidney failure. ****End Commercial Break****  
  
****Backstage****  
  
*The Yu-gi-ou characters are still laughing as they wait for Seto to get dressed help Monica with her performance.*  
  
Yami Malik: (pointing to Seto's dressing room door) Twinkle toes!!  
  
All: ^_^ (laugh hysterically)  
  
Ryou: Hey, how come it's funny tha Seto can dance anyway? I mean.we can all basically pretty much dance. Except for Tristan. And Tea. And Mai. And Grandpa. And Shadi. And.  
  
Mai: (obviously annoyed) That's why we're not in it! Monica said only beautiful talented people are allowed to dance with her.  
  
Bakura: ...And Seto is dancing with her why?  
  
All: (burst out laughing)  
  
*Monica approached, wearing a J-Lo pink mini made out of velour in the design of sweatpants and a matching jacket that only zips up to her cleavage.*  
  
All: O.O  
  
Ryou: Wow Monica, you look just like J-Lo! Well...almost.  
  
Monica: Yeah, I had trouble getting the blood out since you know she died in it and everything. This hefa got the biggest butt I eva seen-I think she stretched this skirt out of shape or something. Anyway, is Seto ready yet?  
  
Seto: (from behind dressing room door) I'm NOT coming out!  
  
Mokuba: Aw, come on Seto! Let us see!  
  
*The door opens. Seto emerges, face red, wearing baggy jeans and a Wizards jersey over a white t-shirt.*  
  
Seto: (mumbling) This is so humiliating. I can't believe I'm about to do this.  
  
Monica: Aw, now lokitcha, don't you look cute? ^_^  
  
Seto: ...You will all burn in hell for this!  
  
Monica: You won't be saying that when they give you that big fat check after the preformance. Now come on-we on! (snatches Seto towards the stage)  
  
Mokuba: ...Think he suspects anything?  
  
*Suddenly Jennifer Lopez comes out of nowhere*  
  
JL: I hope she doesn't ruin my material. I had that made especially for this show.  
  
All: O.O  
  
Yugi: I thought you were dead!  
  
JL: Nah. Mokuba asked me for a favor to hook up his brother and Monica. We go way back.  
  
Mokuba: ^_^ Thanks J-Lo! You're the best!  
  
JL: It's cool. Don't forget to buy my new album! (starts to walk away when a large snadbag falls on her head, breaking her neck.) X.X  
  
All: O.O  
  
Mokuba: Better get stage crew.  
  
****Onstage****  
  
*Music to "Faded" starts up*  
  
Monica: (into mic) Oh yeah. This the hotness right her.  
  
Seto: (rolls eyes) Let's just get this over with.  
  
*They start to dance to the music. Seto's actually very good.*  
  
Monica: Hey now! (singing) When I get you all alone, I'm gonna take off all ya clothes! Ain't nobody gone ease around my game, oh yeah!  
  
Seto: O.O  
  
Monica: E'r since you been hangin' round, I been tryin' ta figa out what I can say to you to get some play-hey now!  
  
Chorus: Can we do what we did last night again? Baby you and I'll be betta friends.  
  
Monica: (touching Seto suggestively) Don't you think it's time we went a bit further-oh yeah!  
  
Chorus: Every night when we say goodbye, I cannot help lookin' in your eyes.  
  
Monica: Wonderin' why you and I haven't hit it-can we get it on?  
  
Seto: (still dancing to music) This is sick.  
  
Chorus: I'm kind of feignin' but I feel alright. Thinkin' bout makin' my move tonight. I can't pretend that you're only my friend when you're holding my body tight. Cause I like the way you make me move, and I like the way you're makin' me wait, and at the end of the night when I make up your mind you'll be comin' on home with me.  
  
Monica: Hey now!  
  
Seto: (starts singing, actually sounding pretty good) Girl you know you got it; I sure as hell don't want it. I ain't gonna take you home you sick ass pervert hentai. I don't mean to be rude at all, I don't wanna be where you go. I would rather be alone, yeah yeah.  
  
Chorus: Can we do what we did last night again?  
  
Seto: Baby you and I were never friends. Don't you think it's time you left me alone?  
  
Chorus: Every night when we say good bye, I cannot help looking in your eyes.  
  
Seto: Wondering why I don't have time to take a (omitted)-can we end this song?  
  
Chorus: I'm kinda feignin but I feel alright, thinkin bout makin my move tonight. I can't pretend that you're only my friend when you're holdin my body tight. Cause I like the way you make me move, and I like the way you make me wait, and at the end of the night when I make up your mind you'll be comin on home with me.  
  
Mokuba: (rapping) When ya'll first met yo the deal was jaded, Moni loved her Tims; you never conversated. Just another day around the way, and to this day, you're still not okay.  
  
Seto: (still dancing) -_-  
  
Mokuba: (still rapping) But he's not like the rest, up in the top with the best, floss and ice around his chest. And yes he's hated-how's it go? Oh, yeah, Faded.  
  
*After Chorus song ends*  
  
Audience: *claps loudly*  
  
Monica: Hey Mokuba, I didn't know you could rap!  
  
Mokuba: Oh yeah, G, I can rap. I'm down with the lingo, know what I'm sayin'?  
  
Monica: ...Quit while you're ahead baby.  
  
Mokuba: ^_^ OK!  
  
Seto: What're you doing out here anyway Mokuba?  
  
Mokuba: Actually I came out here to tell you guys that Jennifer Lopez just died.  
  
Seto: Yeah, we know.  
  
Mokuba: No, for real this time. A giant sandbag fell on her head and snapped her neck. Stage crew put her in a body bag and threw her in the back with the rest of the corpses. That's 3 artists that have died so far. Monica I'm starting to agree with Laura. We should do something.  
  
Monica: And we will baby. After this commercial break.  
  
****Commercial Break****  
  
Continuation : (all yami and hikari at Olive Garden)  
  
Waiter: (to Yami Malik) Um excuse me sir, you can't eat the ice cream like that.  
  
Yami Malik: Really? (stabs waiter in the thigh) How about now?  
  
Malik: Wow food AND entertainment. Yuugi, you sure pick some nice places for dinner.  
  
Ryou: ^o^ Agreed!  
  
Yuugi:...I don't care...Avril's not here to enjoy it with me...  
  
Malik: That's because she's dead.  
  
Ryou: As a doornail.  
  
Yuugi: O.O (bursts out crying) Avril! I miss you! It's been too long and I'm lost without you! What am I gonna do???  
  
Malik:...That's just wrong.  
  
Yuugi: (blows his nose on the tablecloth) I've been needing you, wanting you!  
  
Ryou: (raises eyebrow) Yuugi, you realize Avril never knew you personally. So you wasting all your energy crying...(has flashback of Yuugi describing all the things he wanted to do with Avril; shudders) Among other things...Is just wasting your time.  
  
Bakura: (grabs Piña Colada from nearby table) She's dead, face it. And she's not coming back. She's dead. DEAD. As in not living, taking a permanent nap, sleeping eternally; claimed by the Reaper of Cards.  
  
Yuugi:...(whimpers) That's just mean!!! She'll always be in my heart! Living on!!  
  
Bakura: Really. Hopefully she'll find a way to puncture your veins from the inside out so you'll bleed to death.  
  
Yuugi: AND SHE WASN'T A CARD!!!!  
  
Waiter: (come back with drinks limping slightly) Here you are. Are you ready to order?  
  
Yami Malik: (runs over to the table screaming for no apparent reason) LICK HER!!!!  
  
Waiter: (panics, screams)  
  
Yami Malik: (cocks head to the side slightly) Lick her?  
  
*TO BE CONTINUED* ****End Commercial Break****  
  
**** Lady Sephiroth: Don't forget to vote and thanks for doing that thing!  
  
Malik: HELP ME!!!!  
  
Griffin: ^-^ Don't be silly! You don't need help! I've decided to free you!  
  
Malik: *eyes water* Really??  
  
L-Seph: No.  
  
Griffin: -.- Yes really. See, I've decided that you don't deserve to be tortured. You're too beautiful. So I bought Teà as a peace offering to you instead. We can torture her!  
  
Malik: ^-^ Good idea!  
  
Teà: You don't wanna do this!!! I'm useless!  
  
Griffin: We know! Oh before we begin, reviewers, I'd like to thank you. And also I'd like to know if you want me to continue my Bakura commercial, the Alcoholic one. I'll probably do it anyway, but it's nice to know your thoughts. ^.^ Also, feel free to volunteer for my commercials anytime. I've got a lot of random people in my commercials, and I think it's best that the reviewers are there instead. Um, mostly Bakura and Malik commercials, and I think I'm making a Mokuba commercial.  
  
Malik: Sen Taro Taisensei, she's putting Duke Devlin and Mako Tsunami in here...at your request.  
  
Griffin: ^.^  
  
Lady Sephiroth: You've got issues.  
  
Yami: *bows humbly to Lady Sephiroth* Would you like me to send them to the Shadow Realm, Mistress?  
  
L-Seph:...Let me think about that.  
  
Yami Malik: ^__________^ You update too fast!! Then you don't have any reviewers to thank!!!  
  
Griffin: -.- Well you know I do have a life, Yami!! And there are very mean parents in it, that don't like me on the Internet. They like to make me do OTHER things, because supposedly, there's more to life than the Internet.  
  
Malik: *snorts* Yeah right. And I'm know for random acts of kindess.  
  
Yami Malik: ^_______^ Untrue! I'm thanking the reviewers!! ^________^ Thank you, ACME-Rian.  
  
Malik: *grins deviously* Thank you, Malik's gurl. Apparently Griff likes you.  
  
Griffin: ^o^ Right right!  
  
Dimitri: Why did you kill me, Grffi-chan?  
  
Griffin: Because I knew you wouldn't take offense, you're immortal, and at the time, it was funny to me. Now stop talking! Or they'll never review. *points to Yami* Don't you say anything behind that.  
  
Yami: -.- 


	6. Bakura wins and LP performs

*camera focuses on podium*  
  
Laura: Welcome back to the first annual Millenium Awards! I'm your hostess Laura Croft.  
  
Monica: And I'm yo' guide to the world of ghetto, Monica.  
  
Mokuba: And I'm the impromptu but still adorable host Mokuba!  
  
Seto: And I'm in hell. Officially.  
  
Laura: ^_^ It's nice that you decided to host with us Seto and help us to find out who's killing these artists.  
  
Seto: -_- I didn't. (holds up left hand, revealing that he is cuffed to Monica.)  
  
Monica: (holding up cuffed hand) Oh yeah!  
  
Laura: Well if you're just tuning in...  
  
Monica: Which we know you're not.  
  
Laura: ...Monica and Seto just preformed their rendition of Soul Decision's song "Faded" to fill in a missing time slot.  
  
Mokuba: If you're wondering how in the world they managed to choreograph that, it's through the magic of a little thing call imagination.  
  
Monica: In other words, you're reading this script off a computer screen, so it didn't really happen. We just like to pretend like it did.  
  
Laura: -_- That's so uncouth Monica.  
  
Monica: ^_^ But true.  
  
Seto: *begins to examine cuffs closely in hopes of getting out of them*  
  
Monica: *grins mischievously* Don't even think about it handsome. We'll be here for a while. And now to present the award for Sexiest Dubbed Voice, here's two very unsexy duel monsters, Sliffer and Obelisk!  
  
*presenters enter, hosts/hostesses exit*  
  
Obelisk: ^_^ Hi Seto! (waves)  
  
Kaiba: *desperately from backstage* Please help me!!  
  
O: What a nice man.  
  
Sliffer: O.o Yeah, um...we're here to present the award for sexiest dubbed voice.  
  
O: Did you know Ra is going to be in the preformance with Josey Scott and that Chad Kroeger guy?  
  
S: No, I didn't.  
  
O: ^_^ That's so nice!  
  
S: ...Stop smiling. You look creepy when you do that.  
  
O: I can't help it! I'm just a little ray of sunshine! ^_^  
  
S: ...Really. I thought you were a massive being of force and destruction.  
  
O: Nope! In truth, I don't really like violence. It's evil. It doesn't solve anything-only creates more problems.  
  
S:...Then why are you here?  
  
O: Well I have to pay rent don't I? ^_^ Silly Sliffer-kun!  
  
S: O.o  
  
O: And now here are the nominees for sexiest dubbed voice!  
  
MV: Malik!  
  
Malik: I'm just sexy period.  
  
Fangirls in audience: *screaming/crying*  
  
MV: This is true. Bakura!  
  
Bakura: *calmly sipping on wine glass full of Le Cognac De Napoleon Courvoisier, one hand in pocket* Thank you, my mindless public.  
  
Fangirls: *continues screaming/crying*  
  
MV: Yami!  
  
Yami: *flashes incredibly sexy grin* Thanks.  
  
Fangirls: *begin to faint*  
  
MV: And Seto Kaiba!  
  
Kaiba: *STILL cuffed to Monica* Who cares? I'm not gonna win.  
  
O: ^_^ Don't say that Kaiba! You just never know! Sliffer, open the envelope, if you please.  
  
S: *opens envelope* And the winner is...Bakura.  
  
Fangirls in audience: *begin to go into hysterics, breaking things, screaming/cheering/crying*  
  
Bakura: *approaches stage ever so calmly, oozing coolness; takes Milli in hand not occupied by drink* Thank you. This is *such* an honor.  
  
O: ^_^ Congratulations Bakura! You deserve it!  
  
Bakura: *grins ever so sexily* I know.  
  
Random fangirl: I love you Bakura!  
  
Bakura: ...I'm sure.  
  
FG: He spoke to me! *faints*  
  
Bakura: ...Right. Thank you. *walks off, followed by EGC*  
  
Audience: *claps politely*  
  
Obelisk: Well, that was fun! ^_^  
  
Sliffer:...I'm sure.  
  
Laura: And now that that's been settled, we'll move right along.  
  
Seto: (still trying to free himself from Monica, struggling)  
  
Monica: Don't do that Seto. I'll break your wrist. ^_^  
  
Seto: O.O  
  
Mokuba: Monica, I'm going backstage to get more drinks, do you want anything?  
  
Monica: (sweetly, as if Mokuba is the cutest thing ever) Now baby, you know Monica will take whatever you give her.  
  
Mokuba: ^_^ I know, but it's common courtesy. (leaves to obtain drinks)  
  
Seto: (calling after him) While you're back there, see if you can find Monica's sanity.  
  
Monica: It's not lost. ^_^ I had Yami send it to the Shadow Realm. I owed the Reaper of The Cards a favor.  
  
Seto: O_o  
  
Laura: (obviously embarrassed by Monica) Yes well, before we present our next award, we will have a live performance from the people you've all been waiting for: Linkin Park!  
  
Audience: *cheers loudly, whistling*  
  
Monica: But before that, I need to give Laura a little piece of advice.  
  
Laura: What's that?  
  
Monica: Always let me announce the performances. You sound super(omitted).  
  
Laura: -.- Well, thank you Monica. That's kind.  
  
Monica: ^_^  
  
Mokuba: (comes back with two cups of regular Bacardi) What did I miss?  
  
Monica: (takes one cup from Mokuba) Nothing. Thank you baby.  
  
Mokuba: ^_^ Welcome!  
  
Seto: (still trying to get free) Mokuba, are you drinking alcohol?  
  
Mokuba: (sips casually) Maybe.  
  
Seto: -.-  
  
Monica: Now that I've got my drink, here's what you've all been waiting for...  
  
Seto: The end of the show?  
  
Monica:...A live performance of "Somewhere I Belong" by Linkin Park...I have just recently been told that they will be featuring Ryou Bakura! So let's get it on! Oh yeah!  
  
Laura: You can't say that on national television! Do you know what people might be thinking?!  
  
Monica: That's why we all have imaginations. ^_^  
  
Laura: -.-  
  
*hosts/hostesses exit, and curtains lift up to reveal the Linkin Park band...and Ryou* *music starts*  
  
Audience: *cheering wildly; loudly*  
  
Random fan girl: I love you Mike!!!  
  
Ryou and Chester: When this began...  
  
Seto: I have nothing to say...  
  
Monica: *whacks Seto upside his head*  
  
Mike:...and not get lost in the nothingness inside of me.  
  
R&C: I was confused...  
  
M: And I'd let it all out to find that I'm not the only person with these things in mind.  
  
R&C: Inside of me...  
  
M: With all the vacancy, the words revealed is the only real thing that I've got left to feel.  
  
R&C: Nothin to lose...  
  
M: Just stuck hollow and alone and the fault is my own and the fault is my own...  
  
C: I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real; I wanna let go of the pain I felt so long...  
  
M: Erase all the pain till it's gone...  
  
R: I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real; I wanna find something I wanted all along, somewhere I belong...  
  
Monica: O.O He actually sound pretty nice. ^_^  
  
Seto: (monotone, obviously watching from the back) I've got nothing to say, I wish Monica would fall right down on her face.  
  
R&C: (obviously from the stage) I was confused...  
  
Seto: Looking everywhere only to find that Monica is everywhere I am; even my mind.  
  
Monica: *kicks Seto in the groin, quite professionally, considering she's handcuffed to him* You do not diss Linkin Park. That's a no-no. No more talking; oh yeah!  
  
R&C: So what am I?  
  
Mike: What do I have but negativity? Cause I can't justify the way everyone is lookin at me.  
  
R&C: Nothin to lose...  
  
Mike: Nothin to gain, hollow and alone and the fault is my own and the fault is my own...  
  
C: I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real; I wanna let go of the pain I've felt so long...  
  
Mike: Erase all the pain till it's gone...  
  
Ryou: I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real; I wanna find something I wanted all alone, somewhere I belong...  
  
Monica: *is dancing, if that's at all possible; yanking Seto's wrist as much as allowed* Oh yeah!  
  
C: I will never know myself until I do this on my own...  
  
Ryou: And I will never feel anything else until my wounds are healed...  
  
C: I will never be anything till I break away from me...  
  
Ryou: And I will break away, I'll find myself today...(holds note perfectly)  
  
Monica: O.O Oh yeah!  
  
C: I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real; I wanna let go of the pain I've felt so long...  
  
Mike: Erase all the pain till it's gone...  
  
Ryou: I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real; I wanna find something I wanted all along, somewhere I belong...  
  
C: I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm...  
  
Ryou: Somewhere I belong...  
  
C: I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm...  
  
Ryou: Somewhere I belong...  
  
C: Somewhere I belong....  
  
*music ends*  
  
Audience: *screaming*  
  
Jaqulene: I love you, Ryou!!  
  
Ryou: *blushes slightly* Thank you.  
  
Bakura: (talking to fan girl, now sipping a fresh cup of Bacardi Silver) No you don't! If you knew what kind of person he is, you'd hate him! Just like I do!!  
  
Jaqulene: Oh my god!! Bakura spoke to me!! *faints*  
  
Monica:...I'm startin' ta think we need to just put an ambulance in the audience.  
  
(Linkin Park exits, along with Ryou/hosts, hostesses enter)  
  
Laura: Well, now that was entertaining.  
  
Monica: Agreed. Did you like it Mokuba?  
  
Mokuba: (nods) Mm-hmm. I didn't know Ryou could sing. I thought he was gay. That's what I heard.  
  
Monica: Now Mokuba, do you believe everything you hear?  
  
Mokuba: ^_^ Only when it comes from you, Monica!  
  
Monica: That's right, baby. What about our millionaire?  
  
Laura: Yes, did you enjoy it Seto?  
  
(all turn to Seto)  
  
Seto: O.O (bent over in pain)...The swelling's...went down a little...  
  
Mokuba: Seto, what happened??  
  
Monica: He dissed Linkin Park, so I had to do him one better. ^_^ He'll be a'ight, oh yeah.  
  
Mokuba: (obviously hurt, his eyes tear up) Oh, Seto...I'm ashamed...  
  
*the entire audience shuns Seto*  
  
Seto: (voice higher than Mariah Carey's) You can say what you want...could someone get me some ice?...Or a surgeon?...Or perhaps could I just borrow a little bit of your dignity?  
  
Monica: (bends down to help Seto up)  
  
Lookit: Hi Monica, Lookit!!  
  
Monica: (as an automatic reaction, waves) Hey Lookit!!  
  
Seto: Oof!!  
  
Monica: (looks back at Seto to find that when she waved, she elbowed him in the face several times)...That's gon' leave a bit of a mark.  
  
Laura:...You may find this shallow, but we're going to take a commercial break. Apparently, Monica can't be seen on TV with an ugly person, so we have to fix Seto.  
  
Monica: Monica is not trying to ruin her image.  
  
***Commercial Break****  
  
Malik: *walking through the Sahara desert with Teà, who is rambling on an on about "Keep Hope Alive"* By the mercy of Ra woman, will you shut up?!  
  
Teà: But we can make it, Malik! I know we can!  
  
Malik: We're lost because of you, ignorant wench!! And YOU spilled the water, for a SCORPION no less!! Though I must admit, if I had to choose between its' life and yours, I would've gladly gave the water to it!  
  
*a limousine pulls out of no where and rolls Teà over, then rolls over her again several times.*  
  
Bakura: *opens the door from the inside, letting plenty of cold air seep out* Get in.  
  
Malik: ^_^ *gets in, and is instantly cold* Could you...?  
  
Bakura: Hm? Oh, certainly. *taps on the window, the driver backs over Teà several more times*  
  
*an extremely cold Sierra Mist bottle appears on the screen*  
  
Yeah, it's kinda like that.  
  
Bakura: Drink?  
  
Malik: Yes please ^_^  
  
****End Commercial****  
  
(not part of an actual commercial)  
  
Malik: (looking at paper) Yami, Coke wants us to help them boost their sales...  
  
Yami Malik: Shuffle, duffle, muzzle muff! Fista, wista, mista-cuff! We are men of groans and howls, mystic men who eat boiled owls. Tell us what you wish, oh King. Our magic can do anything!!  
  
Malik: O.o Where did you get that from?  
  
Yami Malik: No where!! Where did you get that from??  
  
Malik: *looks around* What?  
  
Yami Malik: That! *snatches one of his earrings out of his ears, begins to run*  
  
Malik: Give that back! *chases his yami*  
  
(the ACTUAL Coke TM commercial)  
  
Malik: Hi. That's my yami. (points behind him)  
  
Yami Malik: (to cashier) Give me this candy...free. And all of this Coke! (turns around to reveal carts and carts of candy and Coke)  
  
Cashier: I can't do that, sir.  
  
Yami Malik: *whips out Millenium dagger* How about now?  
  
Cashier: O.O Now is good. (begins to bag groceries)  
  
Yami Malik: Won't look like rain. Won't look like snow. Won't look like fog. That's all we know. (as if talking to the cashier) We just can't tell you any more. We've never made oobleck before. (laughs maniacally) FASTER!!!  
  
Cashier: O.O Um yessir.  
  
Malik: (turns back to screen) Wanna know how he got so much authority? Well, take a look at him. He's on a sugar high.  
  
Yami Malik: We go now to our secret cave, on Mystic Mountain Neeka-tave. There, all night long, we'll work for you, and you'll have oobleck when we're through!  
  
Malik: *sighs, sweatdrops* He drinks too much Coke; which gives him a sugar high; thus he's fearless. And when you're fearless, you're pretty dangerous. I'm not encouraging you to drink Coke, I'm just saying. You know a 12 oz. can of Coke has about 42 grams of sugar in it. (points to Yami Malik again) Observe.  
  
Yami Malik: Oh snow and rain are not enough! Oh, we must make some brand- new stuff! So feed the fire with wet mouse hair, burn an onion! Burn a chair! Burn a whisker from your chin! And burn a long sour lizard skin!  
  
Malik: You wanna rob a bank? *shrugs* Drink some Coke.  
  
Yami Malik: Burn yellow twigs and burn red rust! And burn a stocking full of dust! Make magic smoke green, thick, and hot! It sure smells dreadful, does it not? *dances gleefully*  
  
Malik: You wanna commit first degree murder with no conscience? *shrugs* Drink some Coke.  
  
Yami Malik: That means the smoke is now just right! So quick! Before the day gets light, go magic smoke! Go high! Go high! Go rise into the kingdom's sky!  
  
Malik: Wanna frame your in-laws for chivalry? Drink some Coke.  
  
Yami Malik: Go make the oobleck tumble down! On every street, on every town!  
  
Malik: Grand larceny? Why not? Coke.  
  
Yami Malik: Go make the wondrous oobleck fall! Oh, bring down oobleck on us all!! (laughs maniacally) Didn't I tell you to hurry?!  
  
Malik: Commit any crime you want, just make sure you're completely unaware, but aware. Yami.  
  
Yami Malik: Guessles yessles?  
  
Malik: *raises eyebrow* We're leaving.  
  
****  
  
(after commercial has aired)  
  
Director: Malik, you and your yami just encouraged every person worldwide to commit whatever crime they wanted!!  
  
Malik:...But I promoted your drink.  
  
D: You promoted mass destruction!!  
  
Malik:....And your drink.  
  
Yami Malik: Can I snap his neck?  
  
Malik:...No.  
  
Yami Malik: Can I snap his neck? (points to person)  
  
Malik: No.  
  
Yami Malik: What about her?  
  
Malik: No.  
  
Yami Malik: You?  
  
Malik: No.  
  
Yami Malik: Can I snap MY neck??  
  
Malik: Feel free to try.  
  
Yami Malik: *attempts to snap his own neck* What if it doesn't work?  
  
Malik: Then by the gods, Yami, do keep trying.  
  
*TO BE CONCLUDED*  
  
****End Commercial Break****  
  
Laura: Well, that was.odd. Um, we are now about to present you, our lovely audience, with yet another award. Moving right along, aren't we? And see how we fixed Seto?  
  
*all look toward a very beautiful, fresh, good-looking, and rather unhappy Seto*  
  
Mokuba: Wow. He looks as good as new. He's making that same facial expression and everything. What did you do?  
  
Monica: I made a miracle baby.  
  
Mokuba: ^_^ The award that we are now presenting is Hottest Male Duelist! Presented by a very strung-out looking Duke Devlin, and is accompanied by Mako Tsunami!  
  
*hosts/hostesses exit, presenters enter*  
  
Random fangirl: Duke I love you!!  
  
Duke: I love me too.  
  
Mako: O.o I do not understand why my connection with the sea is fading...  
  
Duke: -.- Perhaps it's because you're inside of a building.  
  
Mako: *sweatdrops* That might have something to do with it...  
  
****  
  
Griffin: I know it's kind of short, but oh well. It's tough putting all this energy into a story.  
  
Lady Sephiroth: -.- You haven't done anything.  
  
Griffin: ^.^' That's not true. Well, feel free to review. Oh and I need people to be in my commercials, so feel free to ask. ^_^ I like my commercials.  
  
Yami Malik: Twas brillig in the slithy tothes, did gire and the grimble wabe, all mimsy were the borogroves...  
  
Griffin: ^_^ And the momwraths outgabe. Alright, enough of the insane poetry, Yami Malik.  
  
Yami Malik: *laughs maniacally* Can I snap your neck?  
  
Griffin: O_o Maybe later, sweetheart.  
  
Yami Malik: Yay! *dances*  
  
Malik: You know, I can't find any way to torture Teà. Maybe the reviewers can help.  
  
Griffin: Uh, Yami Malik and I...as much as we want to, do not own Dr. Seuss, or his book, Bartholomew and the Oobleck. Well, I *own* it, but it's not mine to um...It's Dr. Seuss' book. He wrote it, not me. Also we don't own The Jaberwocky. And in a desperate attempt to persuade the author to give it to us, we sought him out, only to find that he is very very dead.  
  
Yami Malik: I was going to kill him anyway. Right after he changed his will to read that I inherit all copyright-thingies to all his poems ^___________^  
  
Griffin: Uh-huh.  
  
Yami: (to Lady Sephiroth) Is there any thing I can service you, my Mistress of all Evil?  
  
L-Seph: That's like music to my ears. ^____^ You can thank the reviewers.  
  
Yami: (bows) Yes, of course. Special thanks to: Time Mage, Smiley, ACME- Rian, Pheonix Pandora, Duel Mistress K, Malik's Gurl, ACME-Rian again, Yami's Girl 3000, special thanks to you. (smiles in his ever so sexy way) LiLfLoAtInGcLoUd, Smiley again, Space Case, Seirei queen of Darkness, Internal Dragon, Smiley again, and SenRyoko-TaiHanyou.  
  
Yami Malik: o.O Too many reviewers. Can I stab some of them?  
  
Griff: No!  
  
Yami Malik: Thank the people!! Thank the people!!  
  
Griff: O.o Okay...  
  
Time Mage: It's nice that you've decided to read my story in fresh clothes. Did you use any of the laundry detergent I advertised? ^_^  
  
Smiley: Yes, I've heard that song called Nobody's Fool where she *quite* unsuccessfully tries to rap. It's a shame isn't it? That's about the saddest song I think I've ever heard. *sweatdrops* Oh, and I had no idea Seto could dance either. o.O Smiley, I heard you the first time!! It's not easy updating when your okina thinks there's more to life then the Internet.  
  
Malik: *scoffs* Who came up with that whack idea?  
  
Bakura: Her old man. I never did like him.  
  
Griff: Bakura doesn't like him because my dad keeps telling me he's an imaginary person. ^_^  
  
ACME-Rian: I have no idea what WOEICS is. *sweatdrops* And I've put you in my story as stage crew; is that alright? You're like a reporter. XD Didn't you say something about a Malik commercial? Uh, no wait. I think that was someone else. XD  
  
Pheonix Pandora: lol, Yuugi. Yeah, L-Seph actually typed that part. I was cracking up; I think I hit my head on the floor. Um...whatever floats your boat. Now if it was Yami...oh yeah!  
  
Duel Mistress K: Oh, you liked that part huh? I didn't know Mokuba could rap! *sweatdrops*  
  
L-Seph: -.-' How did you not know, and you did it?  
  
Griff:...I don't know. But they don't *know* I know that they don't know.  
  
L-Seph: They know now.  
  
Griff: ^__^'  
  
Malik's gurl: Well, I'll continue the commercial, but it probably won't show up until part 9 or 10, because I've already done up to part 8. The commercials get worse ^_^ And I'd actually have to make up a commercial for you to be in; well, they're all made up, but you know. See, most of the people in these commercials are being abused, and I don't want to hurt you ^__^ Some people get stabbed, and all kind of things. So unless you're immortal and don't mind abuse (which is mostly from Yami Malik and Bakura) then I'll have to think XD  
  
Yami's Girl 3000: XD Where did you get the idea that Teà is immortal? I like killing her, true, but there's more than one *way* to kill her, so if we can make her immortal (well she obviously is because she keeps coming back, ne?) Alright, I'll see if I can use your idea to kill her. There's only been one of my commercials so far that she was in that she didn't die in O.o I should've killed her XD  
  
People please note that killing Teà is not a fanclub XD And it is only for amusement; if you don't like it, then Yami Malik has something for you. Yami Malik.  
  
Yami Malik: (bends over) Then you can kiss my (omitted; pulls down his pants and moons the reviewers)  
  
L-Seph: O.o  
  
Monica: Yami Malik!!! (takes off belt and beats Yami Malik like he stole a government mule)  
  
Yami Malik: (running, screaming, crying like he's two years old)  
  
Griff: -.- Yami Malik, I did not tell you to pull down your pants and show the reviewers your very nicely colored butt.  
  
Malik: I think he likes being naked.  
  
Yami Malik: (suddenly starts laughing) I'm free, I'm free!!! (takes off *all* of his clothes and throws them haphazardly)  
  
Griff: *colors slightly* Okay....um. I'll just continue thanking the reviewers. (turns away)  
  
Monica: (still beating Yami Malik like he's two) Putcho clothes back on!! I know you her me! Put 'em back on n---a!  
  
Yami Malik: (crying hysterically) I'm sorry mama! I'm sorry!!!! Mama!!! I'm sorry mama!!! I love you!!! Mama please!!! Mama please!!! I'll put 'em back on!!!!  
  
Griff: O.o That's exactly how we used to sound when we got whuppins. ^__^  
  
Yami Malik: Mama!!! Please mama!!!!  
  
L-Seph: Uh, we never got beat for streakin.  
  
Griff: *sweatdrops*  
  
Monica: Put 'em back on or I'mo beat 'em back on you!!!  
  
Yami Malik: (still crying) I'm sorry mama!!!  
  
Griff: -.-'  
  
LiLfLoAtInGcLoUd: Well, just as you asked, more!! XD  
  
Space Case: Thank you, I'm glad you liked it. I always found my humor very very extremely stupid XD  
  
Seirei queen of darkness: If you think them dying is funny, wait until you find out *why* they're dying. It's so stupid. XD  
  
Internal Dragon: ^___^ I'm glad you like it. And I've read sicker (starts laughing) But yes it is pretty stupid isn't it.  
  
SenRyoko-TaiHanyou: *does an Egyptian jig* Yay! I'm gonna make SenTaro's week!! Yay!!  
  
Well, that's all the reviews since I last updated, so. Um hopefully when we return, Monica will be done whuppin Yami Malik, but if not then that's okay too. I also uploaded my first one-shot called Boot Camp. Check it out, it's so stupid XP  
  
Malik: Stop promoting yourself so they can review!!  
  
Griff: XD Well I be geese. XD Ciao 4 now! 


	7. Simple Plan and the duel starts

Mako: Well now, it's about time we got a part in this insanity! Although I'm not particularly fond of insanity, nor do I encourage it in any way.  
  
Duke: ...Right. Anyway, how are you guys enjoying the show so far?  
  
Audience: *cheers*  
  
Monica: (from backstage) He fine-oh yeah!  
  
Mako: I would like to point out that the entertainment will consist of more than musical interludes and commercials. We will be having duels, since this is the sixth part. In fact, I'm part of the very first duel.  
  
Duke: Who are you dueling?  
  
Mako: Monica.  
  
Monica: O.O Who volunteered my services like that? Aw hell naw.  
  
Seto: (grins mischievously)  
  
Mako: Monica and I will be testing out Kaiba Corp.'s new system, which is really really life like.  
  
Duke: So life like, in fact, it actually inflicts an injury upon you when you lose.  
  
Monica: O.O  
  
Seto: (snickers) What's the matter Monica? Afraid you'll lose?  
  
Monica: Naw, actually, it's your breath. Smell like ol' feet or somethin'.  
  
Seto: (growls) Do you even know how to duel?  
  
Monica: (stares at fingernails as if they've suddenly grown interesting) I don't know if I'm any good. I did beat Yami though.  
  
Seto: O.O Impossible!! No one I know alive has beat Yami without cheating!  
  
Monica: So then you do admit that you cheated to beat him on Duelist Island.  
  
Seto: That has nothing to do with this!  
  
Monica: Yes it does baby-it has everything to do with this. You beat Yami on Duelist Island by threatening to commit suicide. And he'd've done it to, if that li'l *omitted* Yugi hadn't have stopped him. You haven't been able to win since. So I think that you're not as great a duelist as you think you are. In fact, I don't think you believe in the heart of the cards, or yourself. Because if you did, you'd've relied on your wits to win-fair and square.  
  
Seto: Enough with the Heart of the Cards *oh my*. We'll see if you really did beat Yami in a duel. (drags Monica out on stage roughly)  
  
Mako: Monica, I look forward to our duel.  
  
Monica: ^_^ So do I baby!  
  
Mako: Funny, but it sounds as if she is very near.  
  
Monica: (taps Mako on the shoulder) Baby, I'm right here.  
  
Mako: (nearly jumps out of his skin) O.O Don't DO that!  
  
Seto: (pushes Duke roughly out of the way) Yami, you *gasp*. Is it true that Monica beat you in a duel?! Don't lie for her either, just because she has a pretty face!  
  
Monica: ^_^ I'm glad you think I'm attractive Seto, baby, but I don't think you should do this. Challenging me to a duel never gets you anywhere but completely humiliated.  
  
Yami: (blushing slightly) It's true. She beat me Kaiba. (growing quite serious, eyebrows scrunching together in that very cute manner) Now I advise you to take her advice and calmly walk away.  
  
Seto: (haughtily) Monica doesn't scare me Yami. She might scare all of you, but she doesn't scare me!  
  
Bakura: ...She doesn't scare me either. She's a little wired, but not something I'd be scared of.  
  
Yami Malik: I'M scary! (makes insane psychotic face)  
  
Bakura: (eyes Yami Malik) ...Ryou's mother is scarier than that.  
  
Yami Malik: O.O (pouting) That was my best insane psychopath on a rage face.  
  
Bakura: Yes, well, if it makes you feel any better, you *almost* scared me. (pulls out bottle of Bacardi Silver and wine glass from nowhere, pours himself a drink) But you know what they say. Almost doesn't count.  
  
Yami Malik: (starts to cry) Bakura's a meanie!!  
  
Ryou: (pats Yami Malik reassuringly on the back) There there Yami Malik. I think you're quite frightful.  
  
Yugi: (joins in patting Yami Malik's back) Yeah, Bakura's just a jerk. He hurts other people and puts them down because it makes him feel better.  
  
Bakura: No, I hurt other people and put them down because it makes them feel *worse*. Which is always a pleasure. (sips drink calmly)  
  
Ryou: Bakura's a bully. It makes him feel good to put down others, because he has low self esteem.  
  
Bakura: (to Yami) What's self esteem?  
  
Yami: (shrugs) Beats me, but if you're low on it, I think you need to go buy some more.  
  
Bakura: (stand up) Or, I'll just steal some. Be right back. (hands Yami his drink/glass) Hold this please. (walks off)  
  
Yami: (sips Bacardi Silver right out of the bottle) Mmm, not bad. Tastes like Sprite.  
  
Ryou: Yami Malik, you can't listen to Bakura. He's my Yami-I know him better than anyone in the world. He's a nasty little fickle thing, with a really bad attitude. If I can ignore him, so can you. And anyway, your face scared the pants off of me!  
  
Yami Malik: (hopefully) Really?  
  
Ryou: (nods) ^_^ Really really.  
  
Yugi: I almost peed on myself! ^_^  
  
Yami Malik: BOO!  
  
Yugi: (jumps) AHH!  
  
Yami Malik: (cackles insanely) Thankles spankles hikari people! (walks away to find someone else to scare)  
  
Ryou: (to Yugi) Are you alright?  
  
Yugi: (shaking) I think he just shortened my life span.  
  
Seto: Enough with the crap! Monica, I challenge you to a duel!  
  
Monica: (nonchalantly) Sure, whatever man.  
  
Seto: And, I'll be dueling in Mako's place!  
  
Mako: Now just a minute.!  
  
Seto: (glares at Mako)  
  
Mako: O.O Please, continue.  
  
Seto: (to Monica) If I win, you'll have to...to...(tries to think of something)...  
  
Monica: How about this. If you win, I'll dress in my skimpiest outfit and bow down in front of you in front of the entire *LIVE* audience, proclaim you King of Games, and kiss each and every one of your manly toes.  
  
Yami: (suddenly realizes what Monica just said, spits out drink) King of Games? Hey! That's my title!!  
  
Yugi: -_- Go back to your drink Yami.  
  
Yami: (desperately) But she can't proclaim him King of Games! I'm King of Games! I won Duel Monsters, and Dungeon Dice, and.!  
  
Seto: Actually, World Champion would be better-since you beat Yami, that makes you World Champion, and I'll gladly take your claim to the rights.  
  
Yami: (sighs in relief) That's better. I'll still be King of Games, right?  
  
Yugi: (annoyed) -_- Yes Yami.  
  
Yami: Good. (goes back to drink)  
  
Seto: And you'll *suck* every one of my toes.  
  
Monica: (nodding in agreement) In front of the live audience.  
  
Seto: (laughs maniacally) And in the slim chance that you win, what will I do?  
  
Monica: *grins evilly* You'll be my personal slave for the rest of the night, and on into the wee hours of the morn.  
  
Seto: Agreed.  
  
Monica: Shake on it.  
  
*They shake.*  
  
Duke: Well now this should be promising.  
  
Mako: (nods) I can't wait to see how this turns out. (turns back to audience) And now we'll present the award for Hottest Male Duelist. And the nominees are.!  
  
MV: Pegasus!  
  
Pegasus: (waves) Hello funny people reading from the computer screen!  
  
MV: Mako Tsunami!  
  
Mako: (grins) It is not my rugged good looks that make me hot, but my mighty sea deck!  
  
MV: ...Yeah, whatever. Duke Devlin!  
  
Duke: (smiles)  
  
MV: Yami!  
  
Yami: (waves while still drinking Bacardi Silver)  
  
MV: Joey Wheeler!  
  
Joey: Hey, you really haven't forgotten about me! When's the Barenaked Ladies coming?  
  
MV: Uh, later. Malik!  
  
Malik: (yawns) Of course I'm going to win. I'm extremely hot.  
  
Random Fangirl: Yes you are Malik!  
  
MV: And Seto Kaiba!  
  
Seto: (glares at screen)  
  
Mako: Duke, the envelope please?  
  
Duke: (opens envelope, announces calmly) And the winner is Seto Kaiba.  
  
Malik's Fangirls, Malik: WHAT?!!!  
  
Audience: *claps*  
  
Malik: (growling) That's NOT possible! How did boulder head win over me!! I'm so hot I sizzle! I have to carry a fire extinguisher with me, as things randomly catch aflame when I walk anywhere!!!!  
  
Isis: ...Yes, but Kaiba has that flowing duster, and those harsh blue eyes. It makes him very appealing in a suave, hot, incredibly sexy evil kind of way. (realizes she is drooling, wipes it away, straightens herself) Anyway little brother, you can't win everything.  
  
Malik: (points to Isis accusingly) You LIKE him!!!!  
  
Isis: ...You still suck on a pacifier.  
  
All: O.O  
  
Yugi: (pouting) I wasn't even nominated.  
  
Yami: That's because you wear panties.  
  
Yugi: I do NOT wear panties!!  
  
Ryou: Then why did you tell us you'd give Malik your panties?  
  
Yugi: If I was a *girl*!!  
  
Ryou: Oh. But I thought you were a girl.  
  
Yugi: (huffs, jumps up) I'm going to sit with the fan girls. They're way more sane than all of you.  
  
Ryou: Great, I'll go with you. (walks off with Yugi)  
  
Seto: (snatches award from Duke, points and laughs at Malik) Ha Ha! Loser!  
  
Malik's Fangirls: *boo Seto, begin throwing things at him, including broken glass, assorted sharp objects and chairs)  
  
Seto: O.O (ducks)  
  
Monica: (into mic) Now now, all ya'll calm down. I know, I know, Malik should've won.  
  
Fangirls: *stop*  
  
Monica: (grins shamelessly) Yeah, tha's right Malik, I'm a fan-oh yeah! Like I said, I don't agree with this. I think you should've won.  
  
Malik: ^________^ Marry me, you hot Amazonian goddess!!  
  
Monica: ...Later. But ya'll know Malik can't win at everything. And Seto looked pretty damn hot in that Battle City outfit-oh yeah!  
  
*Screen lowers, shows picture of Seto in an ultra cool pose, wearing Battle City outfit*  
  
Random Malik Fangirl: Actually, she's right. He does look really hot.  
  
Fangirl #2: Malik still should've won though.  
  
Fangirl #3: Yeah!  
  
All of Malik's Fangirls: Yeah!  
  
Monica: Now, now, chir'rin, calm down. Life ain't always fair. And anyway, there are more awards coming up that I'm sure Malik is going to win. This ain't the end of the world you know. Plus, this'll be over in a few more parts, and then you can storm Kaiba's limousine, knock it over, pour gas into it and ignite it, making sure he can't get home.  
  
Fangirl 1: We don't have to wait. Let's do that now.  
  
Fangirl 2: Yeah!  
  
*Fangirls storm out to destroy Kaiba's limousine*  
  
Seto: O.O What've you done?!!  
  
Monica: Probably just saved your worthless life. (turns to camera) Hey, we got more coming up, including me and Kaiba's duel and Simple Plan, so sit back and relax. We'll be back after this commercial break.  
  
Audience: *claps*  
  
****Commercial Break****  
  
(Monica and Exodia are standing together)  
  
Monica: 'Sup Exodia?!?!?! How's that...uh, w'ere ever you are treatin you?  
  
Exodia: Hmm. Pretty good, I can't complain. Someone needs to beat that Weevil kid, but I'm alright.  
  
Monica: Ooh! Baby, your breath is seriously kickin!!! I'm talking kickin like Chris Tucker imitatin Michael Jackson!! Or Bruce Lee on Crack!! Whoa, that's foul! Oh no!!  
  
Exodia: (whimpers)  
  
Monica: I would ask that you breathe downwind, but you're taller than me, so it'll have the same effect. So, breathe...uh, west. (points) You know what, that's not proper at all. Not decent, kosher, proper, whate'er you wanna call it. So I've got just the thing. I just bought some Listurn.  
  
Exodia: (raises eyebrow) Excuse me? Don't you mean Listerine?  
  
Monica: That's what I said, Listurn. And didn't I tell you to stop talkin?? You gon kill somebody with that!! Look at my har' (hair), i's all limp. (holds up hair which falls flatly) -.- Come here.  
  
*two minutes later*  
  
Monica: Exy, smile for the camera.  
  
Exodia: (smiles to reveal shiny perfectly white teeth)  
  
Monica: Now tha's what I'm talkin about. Here, keep the bottle. Le's show some before and after pictures of Exy's mouth, oh yeah.  
  
*show a before picture of brittle, yellow teeth*  
  
Monica: O.O Now tha's not right.  
  
*shows an after picture of perfectly white, strong, clean, shiny teeth*  
  
Monica: Oh yeah! Tha's the powa of Listurn, oh yeah!  
  
****End Commercial****  
  
(Teà has just been hit by a car and is laying in the middle of the street)  
  
Yuugi: Somebody help!! We need help!!  
  
(Yami comes out of nowhere)  
  
Yami: Move! I know what I'm doing! (examines Teà) Hm...I think her ribs are broken...  
  
Bellhop: Yami, sir, would you like this in the trunk?  
  
Yami: (stands up) Oh yes. Well, I must be off.  
  
Yuugi: But we need help!! She's gonna die!! I thought you were a doctor!!  
  
Yami: Doctor? (scoffs) No. But I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night. (grins, walk away leaving Teà to die)  
  
****End Commercial Break****  
  
*Laura and Mokuba are onstage at the podium, dressed in their regular clothes*  
  
Mokuba: ^____^ We're back!  
  
Laura: Yes. ^_^  
  
Mokuba: Laura, think my brother's going to win his duel? I'm kind of worried.  
  
Laura: There now Mokuba. Monica's good, but I think all your brother needs is a Simple Plan.  
  
Mokuba: ^_^ Like the band?  
  
Laura: Yes, like the band. ^_^ Here to perform "Addicted", here's Simple Plan!  
  
**Camera switches to band's performance**  
  
LS: I heard you're doing ok, but I want you to know...I'm a dick...I'm addicted to you. I can't pretend I don't care, when you don't think about me, do you think I deserve this? I tried to make you happy, but you left anyway.  
  
Chorus: I'm trying to forget that I'm addicted to you. But I want it and need it, I'm addicted to you. Now it's over, can't forget what you said, and I never wanna do this again, heartbreaker.  
  
LS: Since the day I met you and after all we've been through, I'm still a dick, still addicted to you. I think you know that it's all true. I'd run a thousand miles to get to you. Do you think I deserve this?  
  
**While Band is performing, Backstage**  
  
Monica: (uncuffs Seto) There. You should be able to duel now.  
  
Seto: (glaring at Monica) When did you get so nice all of a sudden.  
  
Monica: (in British Accent not unlike Laura Croft) I've always been nice. You've just never noticed.  
  
Seto: O.O What happened to you being ghetto?  
  
Monica: I am ghetto. This is how I sound for real. I'm a Tomb Raider, like Laura-we're cousins. She and I looked for the Sennen Gumball together.  
  
Seto: (rubbing chaffed wrist) Sennen Gumball. What the hell is that?  
  
Monica: It's the unofficial 8th Millenium Item. It's a golden gumball that grants eternal life to anyone who chews it. And it's not the only one. There was one made fore every flavor in the world. And I do mean *every* flavor. There's enough to give the entire planet eternal life. But they're all hidden in cavern somewhere deep in the bowels of the earth. We're still trying to find it. Do you realize what would happen if no one on Earth died? The world would be stuck with snotty little people like you, the planet would overpopulate, and we'd be doomed to destroy everything until there's nothing left for anyone.  
  
Seto: ...I care because.  
  
Monica: (shakes head) There's that snotty attitude again. You really are a jerk-off. Mokuba's right. It's going to be a pleasure teaching you some manners.  
  
Seto: You've got that backwards. You aren't going to win, you little hood rat.  
  
Monica: (raises eyebrow) Am I supposed to be insulted? ^__^ I'm proud of my culture. ^_____^ I like being unique.  
  
Seto: ...There's something seriously wrong with you. Why are you so...so...so happy?  
  
Monica: ^____^ You'd be too with friends like Ryou and Malik and their Yamis. It's hard not to be happy around them.  
  
*A scream is heard. A random stage crew member runs by in an attempt to get away from Yami Malik, who mercilessly pounces on him and begins gnawing on the side of his face*  
  
Random Stage Crew Member: PLEASE!! FOR THE LOVE OF RA, STOP!!! The PAIN!! Oh the PAIN!!!!! *screams horribly*  
  
Yami Malik: (continues gnawing) Tastes like chicken!  
  
Monica: ^____^ (still British) Now Malik, sweetheart, what did Monica dear tell you about gnawing on random people. They don't usually like that honey.  
  
Yami Malik: ...Can I gnaw on you instead?  
  
Monica: No dear, you can't. The loss of blood would kill me. But there's cookies in the back...  
  
Yami Malik: COOKIES!!! (leaves rscm alone, runs to the back)  
  
Random Stage Crew Member: (bleeding from the side of his face) Thank you. (faints)  
  
Seto: (raises an eyebrow) How can you stand that freak? He practically ate a person alive. And you call him a friend?  
  
Monica: (bends down to pick up stage crew member) A best friend. And he's not a freak Seto. (pointedly) You are.  
  
Seto: Me? I don't do psychotic commercials, drink constantly, shamelessly promote myself, wear panties, randomly kill people or host stupid award shows from my imagination! I think you've got it backwards again Monica. You're all freaks.  
  
Monica: (arches eyebrows) I don't think the authors are going to be too happy to hear you say that. This is their story you know. You just called them freaks. You're probably going to get it at the end of this chapter.  
  
Seto: (rolls eyes) Like I care.  
  
Monica: Well you need to start. Or you'll find yourself terribly alone one day. You know, I kind of get it now.  
  
Seto: Get what.  
  
Monica: Why you lost to Yugi. It's got nothing to do with the fact that you cheated. It's got everything to do with the fact that you don't believe in the Heart of the Cards.  
  
Seto: WHAT IS IT WITH YOU PEOPLE AND THE HEART OF THE CARDS!!!?????!!!  
  
Yami Malik: (from somewhere in the back) Not the heart of the cards! The spleen! SPLEEN!!! (laughs maniacally, starts to choke)  
  
Monica: O.O Oh dear. I'd better go see if he's alright. (walks away calmly)  
  
Seto: ...(word cannot be typed, for it is an insult to all females in general. I think you get the idea.)  
  
**Back onstage***  
  
C: I tried to make you happy, I did all that I could just to keep you but you left anyway.  
  
LS: How long will I be waiting? Until the end of time; I don't know why I'm waiting...I can't make you mine. Heartbreaker, I'm addicted to you.  
  
**Performance ends**  
  
**At podium**  
  
Mokuba: While Simple Plan was performing, we were setting up for Monica and Seto's duel.  
  
Laura: If I know Monica-and I think I do-this duel should be short and sweet.  
  
Mokuba: (eyes watering) Laura, don't say that! I want Seto to win!  
  
Laura: (gently) Mokuba, Monica's a freak sweetie. More specifically she's the worst kind of freak.  
  
Mokuba: Like Teà?  
  
Laura: (shudders visably) NO! Dear gods, she's nothing like that animal. No, she's like Yugi.  
  
Mokuba:...A necrophiliac?  
  
Laura: Close, but no. She's a Heart of the Cards freak. She's gonna hafta teach Seto a lesson now. Plus he's going to lose, because I've just received word that he stupidly insulted the authors backstage, and they overheard. They're Heart of the Cards freaks too. *ETREMELY*. So now he's really going to lose.  
  
Mokuba: (pouting) It's not fair.  
  
Malik: (laughing maniacally from audience) This'll be sweet.  
  
**Center stage, where Seto and Monica are hooked up to Kaiba's new dueling system-which really isn't all that new. Just the first one. The duel system is the first Game Boy Advance that can be linked to duel other people. Also the Game Boy Advances are hooked up to a holographic image projector that's on the floor to display the monsters. Each player is set with 8000 life points, to prolong the agony. **  
  
Seto: Let's get this over with.  
  
Monica: (shrugging) Fine with me.  
  
Mokuba: O.O Monica's British?  
  
Seto: (sneering) Ladies first.  
  
Monica: Fine. (barely glances at hand) I place one trap card face down, and I end my turn.  
  
Seto: Already dueling like a loser. I place Mystic Horseman in attack mode.  
  
Monica: Then you've activated my trap, acid trap hole. Your monster's history Kaiba.  
  
Mystic Horseman: Aw nuts. *disappears*  
  
Monica: And now it's my turn. I play Red Medicine, recovering 500 life points, and I end my turn.  
  
Seto: You're not thinking straight. You're leaving yourself open. I play Battle Ox in attack mode, attacking your life points directly.  
  
Battle Ox: Yippee!! *attacks life points*  
  
Seto: You only have 6800 points left. If you're going to duel like you have no brains, I might as well treat you like it. I end my turn.  
  
Monica: (slightly cross) You don't have to insult me you know.  
  
Seto: You're insulting yourself by dueling with me.  
  
Monica: We'll see. I play Change of Heart!  
  
Seto: O.O  
  
Monica: And I'll use your Battle Ox as a sacrifice for my new monster, which I play face down in defense mode.  
  
Battle Ox: *snaps* Dang. *disappears, is replaced by card*  
  
Seto: That was foolish. You should've used my card to attack my life points!  
  
Monica: Are you going to tell me how to duel or are you going to run your mouth?  
  
Seto: (growls) I play the Wicked Worm in attack mode!  
  
*Wicked Worm charges, activating Monica's face down card, Gear Golem. With 2200 defense points, and the wicked worm with a mere 1400, Kaiba loses 600 life points, bringing his points down to 7400.*  
  
Monica: You're dueling quite stupidly Kaiba. What's wrong? Can't handle a pair of big honey brown eyes?  
  
Seto: (shakes head) I'm trying to go easy on you because you're a girl. But I won't keep it up.  
  
Monica: Really? You're going easy on me because I'm a woman? I'm flattered- and here I thought I was going easy on you.  
  
Seto: I'm still winning. I gave you that one for free, so that when I finally do beat you, I won't look so merciless.  
  
Mokuba: (whispering to Laura) They're arguing like they're married, and they're scaring me.  
  
Laura: (whispering back, grinning) I think Seto has a crush on someone.  
  
****  
  
Lady Sephiroth: (wagging finger) Never, ever insult the Heart of the Cards. I am a Heart of the Card FREAK! I'm dead serious. I honestly believe in the Heart of the Cards.  
  
Malik:...You have no life whatsoever, do you?  
  
Griff: What's with the seriousness? And what's up with Monica and Seto? Do they like each other? Because that would be weird.  
  
L-Seph: (shrugs) I don't know. They sure do act like it though, don't they?  
  
Bakura: This is supposed to be a comedy. As in funny. There wasn't a funny part in this chapter. Then you got all serious backstage, and you put in romance. No one wants to read about romance! Romance blows!  
  
L-Seph: You only say that because you're not loved. I bet you cry before you go to bed at night.  
  
Bakura: No I don't, but if you keep speaking, I'll gladly grant your request, and make you cry right now.  
  
Griff: -_- As long as the next chapter's funnier, and there's more awards and deaths, we'll all be fine. And that's not true; I've got all the love in the world for Bakura.  
  
Bakura: Oh Lady Sephiroth, would you like some popcorn with that salt? *sips Corbel Brady in a martini glass*  
  
Griff: How exactly do you drink at the end of the chapter too? That's not fair. And you're underage.  
  
Bakura: I'm 5000, and this can easily be passed for sake.  
  
Griff: -.- Which is translated from english to mean alcohol.  
  
Bakura: You cannot prove that.  
  
Malik: Wait a minute...If you've got all the love in the world for him...then that means I'm not loved. *pouts*  
  
Griff: That's not true. I've got all the love in the universe for you my dear. Now stop being spoiled, it doesn't suit you.  
  
Malik: Yay! Hey... -.-  
  
Yami Malik: Oh note!!! The rules of the duels...I made a rhyme. Yay! The rules of the duels...I made a ryhme. Yay! The rules of the duels...  
  
Griff: -.- Ya know what hun? Let me do it. The rules of the duels are based on Yu-Gi-Oh (shudders) Dark Duel Stories for Game Boy Advance.  
  
Yami: What about me?  
  
Griff: I leave loving you solely to Sephiroth.  
  
Yami Malik: I made a rhyme. Yay!! The rules of the duels...I made a rhyme. Yay!!  
  
Yami: *is disgusted* Sephiroth is a 30-year-old man. Ew...  
  
Griff: I mean *Lady* Sephiroth, you dummy.  
  
Yami:...Oh ok.  
  
Griff: -.- Bakura, thank the reviewers.  
  
Bakura: (scowling) I'm not thanking anyone for anything. Except for this lovely alcohol. Apparently, someone knows that I don't drink beer. It's *the* most disgusting thing on the face of the planet. That, and that hole in Pegasus' face where I took his Eye out. And The Blue Eyes Toon Dragon.  
  
Griff: Aw, he likes you, Bakura...  
  
Blue Eyes Toon Dragon: (gnawing on leg)  
  
Bakura: Keep that thing away from me or I'll...well I was going to say fill him full of liquor, but there is no way I'm separating myself from this martini glass. It is my friend, my companion, my family, and perhaps in some sick alternate universe, my sole mate.  
  
Lady Sephiroth: O.O Um, are you sure you're not an alcoholic?  
  
Bakura: Oh, I'm sorry, did you say something? I was staring at this pure crystal glass that Griffin bought me. When I touch the rim, it makes noises, depending on how much liquid is in it. ^_______^ I wonder if I can take this into the next chapter with me...  
  
Lady Sephiroth:...(looks at Griffin) You're contributing to the problem.  
  
Griffin: Um You know what, I'll thank the reviewers. Oh, and a side note people: When Mokuba said that Yuugi was a necrophiliac...well that's a person that sleeps with dead people. We just thought it would be funny considering how Yuugi's supposedly in love with Avril or whatever. I seriously have to stop abusing that kid; I had a dream about him last night.  
  
Malik: ?.?  
  
Griff: Not like that you hentai freak. Hey, Bakura! I think I'm making another one-shot about you! *is smiling*  
  
Malik: *is sniffling* I'm not loved!! Another fangirl lost to the "obviously sexier" Bakura!!  
  
Bakura: I did not appreciate you calling me sexy Malik. *is disgusted*  
  
Griff: Um, he didn't mean it like that, Bakura. And Malik, you don't want to be the star of this fic. I'll be abusing Bakura with rabid animals. I thought that'd be funny. That and Seto trapped in Forrest Gump. And besides Malik, you get to chill in tha hood with Monica. ^_^  
  
Monica: Yea-yea-ee!  
  
Malik: Uh, oh yeah!  
  
Griff: Ryou? Where's Ryou?  
  
Ryou: I'm here. *is here*  
  
Griff: What's with those stars?  
  
Ryou: I don't know. *doesn't know* Um, do they denote action?  
  
**: *denoting actions*  
  
Griff: Okay...*is okay* O_o Well, I should thank you now. *will thank reviewers* Special thanks to first of all: Lady Sephiroth for helping me and for putting me on your fave author's list, also Lonewolf, my brother, Sen Taro-Taisensei, LiLfLoAtInGcLoUd, SenRyoko-TaiHanyou, Seirei Queen of Darkness, and Pyra Moonsword. I'm on all ya'll fave author's list. *is sniffling*  
  
Malik: Did you just say...ya'll? That is so country.  
  
Griff: Are you talking about my accent Malik? That's okay I'll just abuse you in a one-shot. ^__^ Okay, now the reviewers:  
  
Sentine, who's laziness rules all: Hey there! Hi Seto! ^__^ I'm so happy you can dance! *is dancing* Oh, Chester I'm sorry Ryou took your spotlight, see originally you were going to perform either By Myself or Crawling. But either way, he would've been there, because he's a LP fan. ^__^  
  
Seighart: Aw, you think I'm funny? I think I'm stupid.  
  
Bakura: I second that. I also think you're stupid.  
  
Griff: *_*; That's mean, Bakura. Well, thankies Seighart.  
  
Malik's gurl: Why did I get the sudden idea for a pointless commercial with you and Malik dropping water balloons on people?  
  
Malik: From like the 10th floor right?  
  
Griff: O.O Not that high, you'll kill someone!  
  
Malik: Feh.  
  
Griff: Uh, well what do you think? It won't show up until about the 9th part, but I will put it there.  
  
Seirei queen of darkness: I've got a question. Who are Blake and Ray? I think Blake is funny ^^ You know I once saw a girl with 4 yamis.  
  
Malik: O.o  
  
Griff: I know. Look I found Mynx!!  
  
Mynx: Meh-heh!  
  
Griff: Whoops, sorry. Uh, Mynx is my cat, and that the noise she makes when I pick her up. We're thinking about renaming her Inu-Yasha. ^_^  
  
Bakura: Oh, god.  
  
Griff: Acutally, her name was supposed to be either Kitty Face or Socks.  
  
Bakura: o.O That is so very disturbed.  
  
Griff: *hits Bakura upside the head* Anyway-  
  
Bakura: Oh sod all, woman will you hurry up?!  
  
Griff: O.o  
  
SenRyoko: Thankies!! Thankies!! *huggles Ryoko*  
  
ACME-Rian: Actually, you are with Yugi. Aren't you happy? ^_^  
  
Well, that's it. Bakura's yelling so I have to go. But please review, and check out the story I just uploaded called: "Nah, Remember What Happened Last Time We Tried That?" It's an Inu-Yasha fic. ^_^  
  
Malik: *shakes head* Shameless promotions...  
  
Yami Malik: I made a rhyme! Yay!!! Hey, does anyone know a word that rhymes with "rhyme"?  
  
Bakura: I know one. Time. As in it's against me, because I know you'll be saying that for a while.  
  
Yami Malik: I don't think all that rhymes with rhyme, Bakura. O.O But I can try. (grins mischievously) Now where do I start...? 


	8. Now the ddddduel is done bakura's standi...

**Monica has 6800 life points, Seto has 7400.**  
  
Monica: I end my turn.  
  
Seto: Fine. I place one card face down, put my Worm in defense mode and I end my turn as well.  
  
Monica: I place Feral Imp in defense mode.  
  
Seto: Hmph. That won't help you. (grins) I sacrifice both my monsters to bring out my mighty Blue Eyes White Dragon!  
  
BEWD: *roars, coughs* Sorry. I've got a cold.  
  
All: O.O  
  
Seto: And I power him up with not one, but two Dragon Treasures, raising his power to 4000!  
  
BEWD: Ooh, I feel tingly.  
  
Seto: Blue Eyes White Dragon, attack the Golem Gear!  
  
BEWD: Sorry about this Golem old pal-nothing personal.  
  
Golem Gear: O.O  
  
Seto: Blue Eyes, White Lightening Attack!!!  
  
Golem Gear: O.O ...Eeep! *is engulfed by attack, disappears*  
  
Seto: (ginning smugly) Your Feral Imp doesn't stand a chance.  
  
Monica: Perhaps not now. But I play Swords of Revealing Light! You're frozen for 3 turns Kaiba, and 3 turns is all I need to humiliate you.  
  
Seto: (growls) Bring it on wench!  
  
Monica: (wags finger) We mustn't be impatient Kaiba dear. Paitience is a virtue.  
  
Seto: (rolls eyes) I place one card face down, and put my Blue Eyes in defense mode, ending my turn.  
  
Monica: I play a trap.  
  
Seto: For what? I can't move.  
  
Monica: I also discard one card.  
  
Seto: (glaring at Monica) You've got the most haphazard strategy I've ever seen.  
  
Monica: Wait. You're young yet.  
  
Mokuba: Laura, I can't pick up on Monica's dueling strategy. Looks like she's just dueling haphazardly.  
  
Laura: She's not. Trust me. Yami thought the same thing, and that's how he lost. Monica's unpredictable. That's what gives her an edge.  
  
Monica: I end my turn. Play now Kaiba.  
  
Kaiba: I sacrifice my face down card for another monster in defense mode, and end my turn.  
  
Monica: I play Komori Dragon in defense mode, and Restructer revolution. You loose 200 points for every monster on the field, which means 400 total for you. That leaves you with 6800. We're tied Kaiba. Proceed.  
  
Seto: Hmph. I place another card in defense mode and end my turn.  
  
Monica: (grins) Now, let the games begin. I summon the beautiful Relinquished to the field!  
  
Seto: (eyes Relinquished) Beautiful? Ugh! More like hideous.  
  
Monica: (wags finger) Ah, ah ah. Thou shalt not diss the Divine.  
  
Relinquished: *waves at Blue Eyes* Hi Bea!  
  
BEWD: Hello Reli! How was your vacation!  
  
R: Just fine I think, though I may have gotten a sun burn! But I had a great time!  
  
BEWD: ^___^ Great, I'm glad you had fun. *sneezes* Bless me!  
  
R: O.O Cold?  
  
BEWD: Yes. I've tried everything, but nothing works!  
  
Monica: I'm sure the Reaper of the Cards may have something for you.  
  
BEWD: ?_? What does he have to do with this?  
  
Monica: Oh, didn't you know? I'm about to send you to the Graveyard. Relinquished dear, kindly activate your special effect!  
  
Seto: What?!  
  
Monica: Relinquished draws your monster into itself, thus using your monster against you!  
  
R: (bows slightly) Sorry Bea. Nothing personal.  
  
Bea: ^_____^ No problem!  
  
**Effect activated. BEWD becomes a part of Relinquished.**  
  
Seto: (gasps) NO!  
  
Monica: Now Bea, attack Seto's face down card!  
  
**Card, Invitation to a Dance, is destroyed**  
  
Monica: (grinning) I end my turn, though I'm just getting warmed up.  
  
Seto: (growling) Fool! You should've destroyed both my cards while you had the chance! You have 3 monsters on the field, though it doesn't matter! I sacrifice my remaining monster and play Judge Man in attack mode, destroying your Komori!  
  
Komori: Oh, poopy. *is destroyed*  
  
Monica: (laughing) Kaiba, you're getting desperate. First, I place the Big Shield in defense mode, adding to my defense. Then I shall proceed to destroy you with your own card. Bea, do the honors. White Lightening!  
  
Judge Man: Crud. *is destroyed*  
  
**Seto's points drop to 5000*  
  
Monica: (casually) This can go on as long as you want it to Seto, or you can give up now.  
  
Seto: Never! (draws card) I play Hinotama!  
  
Monica: (rolls eyes as points drop to 6700) Is that all you've got?  
  
Seto: No! I play Saggi the Dark Clown.  
  
Monica: (narrows eyes) What?!  
  
Seto: (grinning) Light is weak against Shadow, and therefore cancels it out. Your plan of using my own card to destroy me is finished!  
  
BEWD: *nods at Monica* I'll ask the Reaper about that cure.  
  
Monica: (nods back) You do that dear.  
  
*BEWD and Reli disappear*  
  
Monica: Hmm, well, I think you've got me Kaiba. Then again, you are dueling like a loser , which is fitting, since you're about to lose. I sacrifice both my monsters to summon the all powerful Black Skull Dragon!  
  
*BSG appears, audience oohs and ahhs*  
  
BSG: Can we make this quick? I was visiting my mother in Alcopoco.  
  
Monica: (nods) Sure thing. As soon as you get rid of Soggi over there.  
  
Saggi: Looks like I'm all wet. *cries, is destroyed*  
  
**Seto's points drop to 2600**  
  
Monica: Well I hate to leave you hanging by a moment, but unfortunately, I have nothing else. Your turn gorgeous.  
  
Seto: (growls *seems to be doing that a lot lately*) Stop getting off the subject!  
  
Monica: ^__^ You're so cute when you're angry.  
  
Seto: (shakes head) You are wired. I play Ryu-kishin in defense mode.  
  
Monica: Skully, the honors.  
  
Ryu-kishin: Oh nuts. *is destroyed*  
  
Monica: Now I play the lovely Maha Vailo in attack mode, attacking your life points directly, and ending my turn.  
  
**Seto's points drop to 1050**  
  
Seto: (blinks) Why are you delaying the inevitable. You have one card left. Play it.  
  
Monica: (shakes head) It's called dignity. I'm tryin to give you some.  
  
Seto: (draws card, looks down in hand) I play La Jinn. Destroy Maha Vailo!  
  
**Monica's points drop to 6450**  
  
Monica: Seto, I said I was trying to give you some dignity, and this is how you repay me. With that incredibly weak and pathetic loser card. Skully, destroy La Jinn, so you can go back to your mother's.  
  
La Jinn: (pouts) I never get a break. (is destroyed)  
  
Monica: (grins) I win.  
  
Skully: See ya later Moni-kun!  
  
Monica: (blows kiss) TTFN! Ta ta for now!  
  
*Skully disappears*  
  
Monica: Now Seto, I believe I get to choose which injury I want to inflict upon you.  
  
Audience: *cheers wildly*  
  
Seto: (is lowered down, walks offstage)  
  
Malik: Hey!? Where's the injury!  
  
Monica: (jumps off of dueling system, lands perfectly on the floor) I think I've done enough damage Malik, don't you?  
  
Laura: ^____________^ We'll be back after this commercial break!  
  
**Commercial Break**  
  
Ryou: We've just given Seto a piece of Orbit gum, and fired him from his own job, and sold it. Seto just found out. How do you feel?  
  
*camera turns to Seto, who has a very blank expression on his face, and his mouth is partially open*  
  
Ryou: Understandable. But does your mouth feel clean?  
  
Seto: (same blank expression on his face)  
  
Ryou: Um, Seto, that's understandable, but does your mouth feel clean?  
  
Bakura: Here, aibou, allow me to help you. *kicks Seto in the...testicles*  
  
Seto: *winces, cringes and closes his eyes though it looks like he's smiling from ear to ear*  
  
Ryou: Hm, another successful project.  
  
****End Commercial****  
  
Teà: (trips and falls on a curb and messes up her hair)  
  
It doesn't matter what goes, fresh goes better in life, with Mentos fresh and full of life.  
  
Teà: (quickly puts her hair into two buns on the side of her head, quite successfully, and continues walking, getting many compliments from people on the street)  
  
Nothin gets to you, stayin fresh, stayin cool, with Mentos fresh and full of life! Fresh goes better, Mentos freshness!  
  
Vincent Valentine: *pops a piece of Mentos candy in his mouth, looks out of the window of his cab* (gasp) A Chun-Li wannabe!! (shoots Teà in the head)  
  
Fresh goes better with Mentos fresh and full of life! Mentos, the fresh maker.  
  
**End Commercial Break**  
  
**During Commercial Break**  
  
*Mokuba find his brother backstage with a glass of rum and Bacardi in hand*  
  
Mokuba: (timidly) Seto?  
  
Seto: (grins) The new dueling system works perfectly.  
  
Mokuba: (blinks) ...  
  
Seto: (bangs free fist against wall) I should've won. But I just...couldn't let her lose.  
  
Monica: (from nowhere) Don't flatter yourself. You aren't all that good.  
  
M&S: O.O  
  
Monica: I could've went a *LOT* harder on you. But I didn't. I didn't want to *humiliate* you Seto-I wanted you to learn a lesson.  
  
Seto: (raises eyebrow) Which is?  
  
Monica: (grinning, going back to her ghetto slang) Neva, eva eva eva eva eva insult Linkin Park. Oh yeah!  
  
Mokuba: ^_____^ Monica, you're great! (huggles her)  
  
Monica: Aw, thank you baby! (eyes Seto) Did we learn our lesson?  
  
Seto: (growls) This changes nothing. I won't stop until I've beaten you Monica, and Yami as well, fair and square.  
  
Monica: You can come after me all you like. I leave my window open at night- oh yeah!  
  
Seto: O.O  
  
Mokuba: (still huggling Monica) Know what Monica?  
  
Monica: What's that baby?  
  
Mokuba: ^___^ I think Seto likes you.  
  
Seto: (blushing madly) The both of you are twisted!  
  
Monica: What's that I hear? Your favorite river is Da Nile?  
  
Seto: ...You'll both burn in hell for this.  
  
Mokuba: (LOL) I'd rather burn with you two-at least I'll be occupied. Come on, let's go watch Josey Scot and Chad Kroeger! (runs off)  
  
Monica: (to Seto, switching back to her British accent) You lost on purpose.  
  
Seto: O.O  
  
Monica: I'm insulted.  
  
Seto: Don't flatter yourself. I wouldn't waste my time.  
  
Monica: You had one card left in your hand. What was it.  
  
Seto: None of your business.  
  
Monica: And you didn't play by the rules completely.  
  
Seto: Neither did you.  
  
Monica: ...I wanted you to win.  
  
Seto: Why?? So you could lick my toes!?  
  
Monica:...  
  
Seto: Hmph. Figures you'd be that sick. I'm going back to my seat.  
  
Monica: (watches him leave)  
  
Seto: (calls back) You can still lick my toes Monica, if you're into that kind of thing. After the show of course.  
  
Monica: ^________^ (in ghetto voice) Oh yeah!  
  
**Performance**  
  
*Ra is in the background with Malik and Yami Malik playing on drums, Joey and . on guitar, and Chad and Josey standing next to each other in front of their mikes.*  
  
Chad: I'm so high, I can hear heaven. I'm so high, I can hear heaven.  
  
C&J: Oh but heaven, no heaven don't hear me. And they say that a hero can save us, I'm not gonna stand here and wait. I'll hold onto the wings of an eagle, watch as we all fly away.  
  
**In audience**  
  
Bakura: (comes back to seat) What'd I miss?  
  
Yami: ...Seto lost purposely to Monica in a very twisted duel. Neither one of them played by the rules. What's worse is I think they like each other.  
  
Bakura: God, I leave for a few minutes and all hell breaks lose! Can't you people keep yourselves in check!!?? I need a drink!! (pulls out flask of Paul Masson Brandy, begins to guzzle)  
  
Yami: (raises eyebrows) I think you need help.  
  
Bakura: What? No, I'm fine.  
  
**Onstage**  
  
Josey: Someone told me love would all save us. But how can that be? Look what love gave us.  
  
J&C: A world full of killing and blood spilling-that won't never change. And they say that a hero can change us-we're not gonna stand here and wait. I'll hold onto the wings of an eagle-watch as we all fly away.  
  
Ra: *vocalizes in very angelic rock voice*  
  
All: O.O  
  
Ra: (singing in angelic rock voice) And now that the world isn't ending, this love that I'm sending to you isn't the love of a hero and that's why I fear it won't do.  
  
J,C&R: And they say that a hero can save us-I'm not gonna stand here and wait. I'll hold onto the wings of an eagle-watch as we all fly away. And they say that a hero can save us, I'm not gonna stand here and wait. I'll hold onto the wings of an eagle-watch as we all fly away.  
  
*song ends*  
  
Audience: *cheers wildly*  
  
*host/hostesses are back at their podium, wearing matching army clothes*  
  
Mokuba: Good to have you back Monica! (huggles her)  
  
Monica: It's good to be back baby. (huggles him back)  
  
Audience: Aww...  
  
Bakura: All this love in a room is suffocating. I need another drink. (guzzles on flask, finishes it off, then pulls out another flask filled with Bacardi O, sipping on it so as to savor it and make it last)  
  
Cast: O.O  
  
Bakura: What are you staring at?!  
  
Yami:...Bakura, you're drinking like an alcoholic.  
  
Bakura: Oh, sod off. If I told you that you look like King of Games, does that make you King of Games?  
  
Yami: Bakura, I *am* King of Games.  
  
Bakura: Didn't I just tell you to sod off. And besides, just because people think Ryou is gay, does that make him gay?  
  
Ryou: Right on!  
  
Bakura: Sit down and shut up aibou, because I too have doubts about your sexual preference.  
  
Ryou: You know I'm not gay.  
  
Bakura: But they don't *know* I know they don't know that I know. (grins deviously) I'm going to go find a drink. (guzzles the rest of the Bacardi down shamelessly)  
  
Fan Girl of Yami (who is sitting right behind them): I think you *are* an alcoholic, Bakura!  
  
Bakura: (stands up) You know what I think? (turns around to Yami's Fangirl) I think that dress is ugly.  
  
YFG: I think your face is ugly.  
  
Ryou: *winces* She's gonna get it.  
  
Bakura: (throws empty flasks into crowd, hitting someone in the head with them) You know what? I didn't think they allowed toothpicks in the audience. I thought you were supposed to be sitting next to the food.  
  
Monica: (listening to Bakura throw intelligent insults at the Fangirl, but never leaving his calm manor) You know what, that's just tmftv.  
  
Mokuba: What's that?  
  
Monica: Too much for TV, baby. Uh, we are now going to attempt to drown out Bakura's...insults and that fangirl's cries by presenting the next award.  
  
Laura: Don't bother, she ran out crying.  
  
Monica: Yes I saw that part. And Bakura followed her. And will continue following her until he sees fit to stop talking about her.  
  
Laura: But that's...that's just mean!  
  
Monica: I know. So now our next award is best hikari and yami couple! That's not meant in like a gay way is it? You know, like *couple* couple.  
  
Laura: -.- No Monica. And now here to present the award for Best Hikari and Yami are two very unlikely people, Weevil and Rex Raptor...!! Where did they come from?  
  
Monica: I dunno. But here they come, to wreck the day.  
  
(host/hostesses exit, presenters enter)  
  
Weevil: I should be nominated for Best Duelist! I single-handedly brought down the greatest cards in duel monsters!  
  
Ryou: (from audience) Yeah well guess what?! There's something called God Cards; way better than Exodia!! And they're one of a kind, too!!  
  
Weevil: (from stage, obviously) Really? Where can I find them??  
  
Ryou: (shrugs) You can challenge Malik to a duel, but you'd lose almost instantly. That, or his fangirls would kill you before you got in his presence.  
  
Rex: Aren't we supposed to be presenting an award?  
  
Weevil: (in that annoyingly...annoying voice of his) Oh? Yes that's right. The Nominees for Best Yami and Hikari are...  
  
MV: Yami and Yuugi!  
  
Yuugi: Yay! ^___^  
  
Teà: Go Yami!  
  
Yami: Go Teà! ^__^ As in away.  
  
Teà:...(frowns)  
  
Bakura: (returns to his seat, throwing his feet up on the chair in front of him, hitting someone in the head, but not really caring) What'd I miss?  
  
Ryou: Nothing. What happened to that um...  
  
Bakura: Fangirl. I started talking about how Yami would never love her and she threw herself off of the balcony. So what's the award.  
  
Ryou: You know you're going to burn in hell for that.  
  
Bakura: Hell? I've been in hell. I have attended this award show, and that's hell enough for me. I even got to keep some nice memories.  
  
MV: Bakura and Ryou!  
  
Bakura: (now sipping on zinfandel from a flask) So, what's the award.  
  
Ryou: Best hikari and Yami. And we've just been nominated. See, there's the camera. (points to camera)  
  
Bakura: We're live? Well, don't point on television, aibou, it's rude. That, and I'll break your finger as an unintentional natural reaction.  
  
MV: O.O And finally, Malik and Yami Malik!  
  
Malik: Oh yeah.  
  
Yami Malik: The spleen of the Cards!!! Or, or, or maybe...colon!!! (laughs maniacally) Colon of Cards, I believe!!! (rofls (rolls on the floor laughing))  
  
Rex: Well, hand me the envelope.  
  
Weevil: No, I will open it!!  
  
Rex: No you won't; you're ugly. I'm gonna open it. At least I have fan girls. Though ye be few, but I have some. No one likes you, now hand me the envelope.  
  
Weevil: I am world champion!! I will open this envelope!!  
  
Bakura: (from audience, to Weevil and Rex) You know neither of you won, so shut the hell up and open it.  
  
Rex: That was the second season, Monica is world champion now. Now hand me the envelope.  
  
Weevil: I will not! Look behind you, a Tyrannosaurus Rex!  
  
Rex: They've been extinct for quite some time. However, if you'll look behind you, you will see a Lycosa tarentula from the family Theraphosidae, which more than likely came from South Europe; they're very poisonous.  
  
Weevil: HA! I'm not going to fall for that! Spiders don't come here from Europe!  
  
Rex: O.o Weevil, it's on your shoulder. (backs away)  
  
Weevil: I'm going to open this envelope if it's the last thing I do!! (opens envelope, hears hissing) Huh? (turns around) ***** Rex: And the winner is...(flatly) Ryou and Bakura.  
  
Audience: (cheers, whistles, screaming, applause)  
  
(Bakura and Ryou walk up on to the stage, Bakura snatches the award and hisses at Rex, then hands the Milli to his hikari)  
  
Bakura: (emotionless, now sipping DuBochett Peppermint Schnapps) Well, for those of you that got this black out, I'll fill you in. Weevil came true to his word when he said: (in girly voice) "I'm going to open this envelope if it's the last thing I do!!!"  
  
Audience: (scattered applause, laughter)  
  
Bakura: (in regular mild tone) He was bit in the nose by the thing he loved most: Spiders. Apperently, it was from South Europe, and was dangerously poisonous. So if anyone loves me, they'll take him off life support.  
  
Audience: (scattered snickers, applause, laughter)  
  
Ryou: Why is that funny?  
  
Bakura: (shrugs) The poison went to his brain instantly, causing him to slip into a coma. And from the way it smells up here, I'd say he slipped in a few other things before coming up here.  
  
Audience: (finally submits, cheering loudly, whistling, applauding, giving Bakura a standing Ovation)  
  
Bakura: Thank you. I'm here all night. (bows)  
  
Ryou: Thank you!  
  
(Bakura and Ryou walk off of stage and back to seats, host/hostesses enter)  
  
Monica: Well, you gotta admit. The boy has natural talent. He's truly ignorant. ^_^ Oh yeah!  
  
Laura: Yes, when he's drinking. Monica, don't you see? He shows no respect for the dead!!  
  
Monica: Mokuba, you handle this one, baby.  
  
Mokuba: Ahem, according to Monica, all of the people Bakura does that to either didn't respect him, themselves, others, or all when they were living. So there's no reason to show them respect when they die.  
  
Laura:...Where is the logic in that?  
  
Monica: There is none. We'll be right back after this commercial break!  
  
*****  
  
Malik: You got a Standing *oh my goodness* O.  
  
Bakura:...I don't care. My Silver Goddess was not with me.  
  
Malik: *raises eyebrow* Silver Goddess?  
  
L-Seph: That's the name of the Crystal cup Griff gave him.  
  
Bakura: No it's not. Her name is Claire.  
  
L-Seph: *mouth drops open* You named your cup Claire?!?!?!  
  
Bakura: No I didn't. I named her Rapture.  
  
L-Seph: -.- Rapture.  
  
Bakura: No. It's actually Nocturnal Light.  
  
Malik: Will you make up your *nani?!?!* mind?  
  
Griff: Bakura, leave the lying to me, you do the stealing, Malik can do the hurting and we'll make a great team. Malik, I'm going to have to wash your mouth out with soap if you keep using that kind of language.  
  
Malik: (grins mischievously) How about instead of soap you use...(grins, then winks suggestively)  
  
Griff: O.o I know what you're implying; Malik, it's not that serious. That was just...Bakura?  
  
Bakura: Wrong. On every level, wrong...Very nice selective choice of actions, but wrong. (pulls out flask full of Sex on The Beach) Griff, can I instrest you in some Sex on The Beach?  
  
Griff: (practically drooling) I was interested from the beginning of that sentence!!...Can I bring Malik? I'd like to...And what beach are we talking about? Is it anywhere near Hollywood, by chance?  
  
Bakura:...I am not physically or in any other way attracted to Malik; it's a drink. I cannot ask you to have sex in this story...It's rated pg13.  
  
Griff: I knew that!! ^O^ I'm underage. But you don't know that!! And besides...  
  
Griff, Malik & Bakura: It's sake.  
  
L-Seph: There is something wrong with all of you. Yami?  
  
Yami: Yes my pet!!  
  
L-Seph: Iron your hands...Like Dobby in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.  
  
Yami: (irons his hands)  
  
L-Seph: (rolling on the floor laughing) Doesn't that hurt you???  
  
Yami: (looks at L-Seph) Do you want it to hurt me, my Lady?  
  
L-Seph: (continues to rofl)  
  
Griff: I would like to point out something about my Mentos commercial. Mentos is very old. And Vincent Valentine is from the video game Final Fantasy 7. Just like Sephiroth, Lady Sephiroth's namesake. I only threw Vincent in there because he has a gun. ^___^ I know that was mean, and half of you didn't get that commercial, but those who did, I hope you enjoyed. Oh, and Bakura and all off the liquor that he drinks...I am not promoting that liquor.  
  
Bakura: But it's nice to have such a wide variety. It helps that you live down the street from a liquor store.  
  
Griff: O.o Don't tell people that! It's tacky!  
  
Monica: F'sho! Yeah yea-ee!  
  
L-Seph: o.O  
  
Monica: I just felted-  
  
Griff: o.O  
  
Monica: -that I needed to correct that sentence, Bakura. See you shoulda said: "It's all good, cuz yo' crib is right down tha s'creet from tha liqua sto'." Oh yeah!  
  
Griff: *is shocked* Thank you Monica. It's always nice to have a daily lesson in ebonix.  
  
Monica: Oh yeah! Yea-yea-ee!  
  
Griff: *has sweatdropped* Ryou please thank the people. Because you are so adorable. ^.^  
  
Ryou: *blushes slightly* Alright...  
  
Monica: A'ight folk can do it this time, but I got dibs on next, you know what I'm sayin?  
  
Griff: *is shocked* Uh-huh. That, and Ryou I think you're the only one that will actually spell correctly out of all of us. And Bakura, but he's a bastard.  
  
Bakura:...Well I can't deny that. Are you allowed to say that?  
  
Griff: *is mad* Stop talking, Baka-Baku-chan!! I want to hear your hikari's adorable voice ^_^  
  
Bakura: You've been talking to Zaheera for too long, you know that?  
  
Griff: Don't make me have her Tackleglomp you, Baku-chan.  
  
Malik: *has nothing to say because nothing has been said to him, you see*  
  
Ryou: Um, thanks to: jshu25, Lady Sephiroth, Pyra Moonsword, seirei queen of darkness, Sen Taro-Taisensei, LiLfLoAtInGcLoUd, SenRyoko-TaiHanyou, Lonewolf, and Sentine.  
  
Griffin: Thankles spankles Hikari person ^_^ Well, I'm going to personally thank the reivewers, as I always do ^_^ And as usual, at the end I will shamelessly promote my fics among other things. ^_^  
  
Malik: o_O  
  
Griffin: Okay, uh..who's first?  
  
Sentine: o.O You signed in!! *huggles Sentine* Well, I'm glad you liked it.  
  
Dimitri: :D  
  
Griff: o_O okay, there's your cameo Dimitri. Now go away.  
  
Lookit: XD My signature!! XD  
  
Griff: Lookit, we are all aware that's your signature. It's actually become a part of your name.  
  
Lookit XD: Are you working on our page lookit?  
  
Griff: Yes I'm working on it, and so is Seph.  
  
Lookit XD: That's good lookit! Bye...lookit. *leaves*  
  
Griff: o_O Strange child.  
  
Marikzgal4eva: Thank you, I'm glad you think my commercials are funny!! *is glad* o.O Stupid asterisks!!  
  
**: *are stupid*  
  
Bakura: There is something wrong with all of you.  
  
Griff:  
  
Malik'sgurl: Um, try not to hurt yourself when you drop your balloons. Because if I've learned one thing as a villain, it's that: It's only a crime...  
  
Bakura: If you get caught. Like stealing.  
  
Griff: Or vandalism. Or fraud, murder of the first, second and third degree, underage drinking, smuggling...  
  
Bakura: I think she gets the point.  
  
Griff: Right.  
  
Monica: Jus' remember baby, the po-po is always watchin.  
  
Griff: O_O Thank you Monica. Oh, and the Interviews will be posted on a different story called Up Against The Wall.  
  
Bakura: Why does that sound so....  
  
Griff: Dominatrix-like.  
  
Bakura: Exactly.  
  
Griff: O.O Whatever puts you to sleep at night Bakura. You can take that however you want.  
  
Yami Malik: Love-do not apply, life-I live but I gotta die!! *starts whistling* I can't relate, cuz I was born not to know! Things are gettin crazy-I ain't wearin paisley!  
  
Monica: O.o Whatchu know about Tony Toni Tonè?  
  
Yami Malik: *cocks head to side* Uh. It never rains in Southern California?  
  
Monica: I'll see ya when I get there!  
  
Griff: O.O Thank you for that short musical performance.  
  
Monica and Yami Malik: *singing*...On the other side of town, it never rains...  
  
Seto: -.- You're all disturbed.  
  
Griff: You've got a stick up your *was omitted*, go away.  
  
Internal Dragon: Oh, I'm sorry you're scarred for life. I know what you mean...well not really. ^_^ Hope those bad memories go away, though.  
  
ACME-Rian: Well, Mynx is taller than Yuugi, and she's a cat. ^_^ I know boxes taller than Yuugi, so it's know biggy. ^_^ Biggy-get it?  
  
Shadow-Spector: I'm glad you liked the milk commercial; I liked typing it. I tried to leave him perfectly in character, how did I do?  
  
Seirei queen of darkness: Blake is evil? I figured that. That's why I think he's funny. I've got dark humor, too. I mean I *am* a villain, after all. *is a villain* o_O Ok, those stars are officially trippy. You all knew I was a villain, right? I mean I still am, but you knew, right? Right?  
  
Sen Taro-TaiSensei: *huggles Sen-chan* Hope you feel better! Yea, Bakura is funny isn't he? I reviewed the second chapter to your story this morning. ^_^ You think it's a masterpiece? I think it's stupid *cries tears of joy* People think I'm funny!! Yay! Um, Sen Taro? Can you tell me how to say the Great Library in Japanese? Thankies. *has much to learn you see* O.O Will you stop that!?!?!  
  
**: *will not stop*  
  
Griff: O.o  
  
Smiley: Aww, Smiley, I didn't mean to yell. Trust me, if I didn't like your reviews, I'd remove them all. You can bug me all you want go right ahead ^_^ You are so ghetto! Rofl!! You said yo bomb-diggity homi rofl!! Well, you don't bother me, review as much as you like, and I'm glad you're smiling. Because I can't take another person that looks like Seto all the time.  
  
Monica: Oh, don't pertern like you ain't ghetto. Ya'll know they speak ebonix.  
  
Griff: I understood that entire sentence. Monica's too lazy to say pretend, so she says pertern. ^_^ I think it's funny.  
  
Monica: Yea-yea-ee!  
  
Griff: I can't wait to see you stand on the corner with Malik. Well, I'm almost done. Just one last word about Malik and him saying Feh. Uh, Malik would like you all to know that it's a free country and he can do and say whatever he wants.  
  
Malik: Dog *omitted*, if you got sumthin to say to me, we can take it outside, you know?  
  
Griff: O.O You are not honestly going to fight Inu-Yasha through reviews, are you?  
  
Malik:...Whatever floats your boat.  
  
Griff: O.O Okay, now for the shameless promotions. Um, you can check out me and L-Seph's website. It's under both of our profiles, so come visit, sign the guestbook and all that. Um, also, L-Seph and I are starting a story called Peggy's Angels. Peggy being Pegasus. It's a spoof of Charlie's Angels. Well, look for that soon.  
  
Monica: We out. 


	9. Olive Garden and Rian reports

****Commercial Break****  
  
Continuation: Olive Garden  
  
Waiter: (runs for his life screaming, runs into a wall and breaks his neck) X.X  
  
Malik: (to his Yami) I just *know* you had something to do with that.  
  
Yami Malik: (resembling a cute little child) I only stabbed him *once* this time, Malik.  
  
Malik: (resting his head on his forehead) You *killed* him Yami. He's not coming back.  
  
Yami Malik: O.o But I stabbed him in the thigh.  
  
Malik: He just *broke* his neck, Yami.  
  
Chef: You have disgraced this place!! You killed my waiter!!  
  
Yami Malik: No, lick her did it!!  
  
Malik: O.o Sit down before you hurt yourself Yami.  
  
Yami Malik: (sits as told, though he's sitting on a nearby child, and his weight crushes their bones, possibly paralyzing them)  
  
Malik: (to chef) Allow me to explain: My...friend here must have obviously scared your waiter because, let's face it. He just broke his neck.  
  
Yami Malik: (trying to soften the blow) I only stabbed him once.  
  
Malik: O.o  
  
Yami: (LOL)  
  
Chef: Out! OUT OF MY RESTAURANT! NOW!!  
  
Yami, Yuugi, Ryou, Bakura, Malik and Yami Malik: *are kicked out*  
  
Bakura: I'm keeping this cup. (holds the cup protectively)  
  
Malik: AND I AM SUING YOU!!! I know exactly what this is all about.  
  
Yuugi: What are you talking about Malik?  
  
Malik: They *naturally* blamed us for his death. You know why?  
  
Bakura: *still sipping drink* I know why. It's because you're black, right Malik.  
  
Malik: Hell yes! (goes to sue Olive Garden for racial discrimination)  
  
Yami Malik: Money can't get everythang it's true, but what it can't get I can't use; I need money! That's what I want!! (follows his angry hikari)  
  
Ryou:...Um, I-  
  
Bakura: Don't say anything. It's not your affair.  
  
Yami: (switching the subject) Yuugi, are those panties hanging out of your pocket?  
  
Yuugi: NO!!!  
  
Ryou: I swear you're a girl.  
  
Yuugi: I'm NOT A GIRL!!!!!  
  
Bakura:...*finishes off drink* You can't prove that. If you can prove your not a girl, then Yami can prove that Leon Sphinks once had a respectable looking face.  
  
Yami: -.-  
  
Ryou: I really think you're a girl.  
  
Yuugi: I AM NOT!!!! ASK TEÀ!!  
  
Teà: I'm sorry Yuugi; I'm too busy kissing Yami's butt and stalking him to notice you.  
  
Yami: O.o Kindly refrain, crazed woman.  
  
****End Commercial Break****  
  
Monica: (doing the Harlem Shake) You can find me in the club, bottle full of bub.  
  
Mokuba: (joining in rapping/doing the Harlem Shake) Mama I got what you need if you need to feel a buzz!  
  
Together: I'm into having sex, I ain't into makin' love. So come give me a hug if you into gettin' rough!  
  
Monica: ^_____^ Welcome back babies! Well, there's only 3 more awards after this, and there's only two more parts, and many, many more performances. So the authors have conveniently decided to have two musical performances in this part, and to announce the winner of the Cutest Bishounen Award. Me and Laura will be finding out who our loverly dates are in just a few minutes.  
  
Laura: (sarcastically) Huzzah.  
  
Mokuba: ^__________^  
  
Monica: Mokuba, honey, don't smile so wide. You look sick, and I don't mean in a flu kind of way. You look like the dude from Psycho.  
  
Mokuba: I can't help it! N*Sync is up next.  
  
Monica: (smacks hand to forehead, grins) That's right, I'm supposed to be in that performance. I'll see ya'll later. (dashes off stage)  
  
Laura: (raises eyebrow) What the hell was that all about?  
  
Mokuba: ^_________________________________^ You'll see...(to audience) While we're waiting, let's check in with our stage crew member, ACME Rian. ACME?  
  
**Camera switches to a girl with brown hair, about 5'5" wearing a blue jean outfit-jacket and pants-and a little belt around her neck. She's in the audience with Yugi and Ryou, who are with the fangirls.**  
  
Rian: Hi Mokuba!  
  
Mokuba: Hi Rian! What's going on with the 3 dead stars?  
  
Rian: (shakes head) No one else has died so far. May I point out that only stage crew has access to the sandbag that killed Jennifer Lopez?  
  
Mokuba: Uh...sure.  
  
Rian: ?_?  
  
Mokuba: Anyway, good luck on that.  
  
Rian: (nods) Sure! Can't wait to see Good Charlotte perform, right Yugi? ^____^  
  
Yugi: (blushes) Uh, right.  
  
Rian: I'm between two of the cutest bishies in the world! You two wanna have dinner later on after the show is over?  
  
Yugi and Ryou: Sure! ^_^  
  
Mokuba: ^____^ Have fun Rian!  
  
Rian: Thanks! ^_^  
  
**Camera switches back to Mokuba and Laura**  
  
Mokuba: (grinning deviously) They're ready now. Here they are ladies and gentlemen: N*SYNC featuring Monica!  
  
Laura: O.O (grimaces) Oh no.  
  
**Camera focuses center stage where N*SYNC is set up to dance, by themselves. Music starts up.**  
  
Justin: Would you be my...? Would you be my...?  
  
**Monica walks out on stage, wearing a pair of *tight* beige khaki hip hugger capris and a red peasant blouse, Reebok Classics with no socks, and a Burberry hat. Her lips are glistening that pretty mocha color J-Lo sometimes wears, which she actually stole from J-Lo after she died, and in her ears are 2 big silver hoops.**  
  
Monica: (grinning) Seto baby, this is for you.  
  
Seto: (snaps to attention) What the...?!! O.O  
  
Monica: (rapping like Nelly) They don't want you like I want you-believe me boo, I done told you. They don't 'perciate ya playa-I can tell by the way they stalk you. They don't love you like I love you, squeeze you like I squeeze-I'll make your neck pop back and in fac' I'll buckle ya knees.  
  
Seto: O.O  
  
Bakura: (grinning) My, but that girl is persistent.  
  
Seto: (rolls eyes) Shut up.  
  
Monica: O K suga-what's it gonna take for you ta be my ni--a? (singing with Justin) Tell me right now!  
  
All: O.O  
  
Mokuba: Is she allowed to say that?  
  
Laura: She just did.  
  
Mokuba: But isn't that...(fidgets slightly) I don't know. Offensive?  
  
Laura: Mokuba, in case you haven't noticed, Monica's black. And so are a few other people around here. And I don't think she meant that in a racial slur kind of way. I think she actually meant to compliment Seto. As long as no one repeats it we'll be fine. (grimaces) And anyway, I don't see how we can stop her.  
  
Monica: (still rapping) Friends say you should, I'm thinkin' that we could- little brotha goin' "Seto I wish you would." But you hesitatin, debatin' whetha or not it's real. I ain't shootin' game boy-I'm just tellin' ya how I feel. I love er'thang aboutcha-yo' hips and the way they swang. By the way, I'm really sorry about'cha limousine. I'll be yo personal shrink boo-I cur whatchu think. In fac' I boughtchu a Caddy in black cuz I got it like that. So tell yo fans (w/N*SYNC) Bye bye, and tell 'em you long gone! Ain't no need in waitin' up cuz you done fount you another home!  
  
Seto: (blushes slightly)  
  
**Starts dancing with N*SYNC**  
  
Justin: I don't know why you care.  
  
Monica: Why ya thinkin' bout it papa?  
  
Justin: They don't even know you're there. Cause they don't love your eyes. And they don't love your smile. Boy you know that ain't fair.  
  
Bakura: This sounds gay.  
  
Malik: I always thought they were. They're singing to Seto. That just proves it.  
  
Bakura: (eyes Seto) Sure they're not the ones who.?  
  
Seto: (angrily) QUIET!!  
  
Both: O.O  
  
Malik: (pouts) No need to get testy.  
  
N*SYNC: The middle of the night, are they gonna be by your side? Or will they run and hide?  
  
Monica: Probably will cause they're just fangirls.  
  
N*S: And Seto when you cry, are they gonna be by your side? Do they even know that you're alive?  
  
Monica and Justin: I've got an idea!  
  
N*S: Would you be her boyfriend? She'd treat you good. We know you hear your friends when they say you should.  
  
Monica: Baby, cuz if you were my boyfriend, you'd be my shining star. (w/N*S) The one to show you where you are.  
  
N*S: Boy you should be her boyfriend.  
  
Seto: (blushing madly) Who's idea was this anyway?!  
  
Mokuba: (suddenly grows wings and a halo) I dunno...^__________^  
  
Justin: Do they know what you feel? Are you sure that it's real, yeah-eh- yeah. Do they ease your mind, or do they break your stride? Did you know that love could be a shield...?  
  
N*S: The middle of the night, are they gonna be by your side? Or will they run and hide?  
  
J: You don't know cuz things ain't clear.  
  
**Monica starts to dance her way off stage and towards Seto, surprisingly still in sync with the rest of the band.**  
  
N*S: And Seto when you cry, are they gonna stand by your side? Do those girls even know you're alive?  
  
J: I've got an idea.  
  
N*S: Why don't you be her boyfriend? She'll treat you good. We know you hear her friends when they say you should Seto-cuz if you were her boyfriend. You'd be her shining star-the one to show you where you are. Boy you should be her boyfriend.  
  
**Monica has now reached Seto, and is gripping his face quite affectionately with both hands.**  
  
Monica: (rapping, pulling Seto in the aisle to dance) Forget the (ommitted) play-cuter than Beyonce, ghetto like the fat lady that rap and I say you got more talent than Alicia-forget Miss Keys. I say you wit' me baby boo- stop fakin' like, please. I'll putcha so high on a pedestal, it'll make ya nose bleed, and kiss ya ass so deep it'll make ya toes crease. What's wrong pa-ya life makin' you wanna hurl? Don't trip-flip the script to a country gurl, now come on.  
  
Seto: (blushing madly, but starts dancing with Monica)  
  
Monica: (singing) Ever sense I saw your face, nothing in my life has been the same. I walk around just saying your name (w/N*S) without you my world would end, yeah. I've searched around this whole damn place, and everything says you were meant to be (w/group) my boy-oy-friend, oh!  
  
N*S: Why don't you be her boyfriend? She'll treat you good.  
  
Joey: She'll treat you good boy.  
  
N*S: We know you hear her friends when they say you should Seto. Cuz if you were her boyfriend, you'd be her shining star. The one to show you where you are. Boy you should be her boyfriend.  
  
Monica: (rapping w/Nelly who has suddenly appeared out of nowhere) Would you be my.  
  
N*S: Boy you should be her boyfriend.  
  
Monica: Would you be my boy.  
  
N*S: Boy you should be her boyfriend.  
  
Nelly: (to Seto) Jus' give it up dirrty!  
  
Seto: O.O...Dirrty?  
  
Monica: (LOL)  
  
*Song ends*  
  
Audience: *claps, cheers, whistles, standing ovation*  
  
Justin: Thank you! (bows)  
  
Random fan girl: We love you Justin!  
  
Justin: (grins)  
  
Nelly: (to Seto) So how 'bout it dirrty, know what I'm sayin'? You gone hook up wit' my cousin or what?  
  
Seto: O.O Cousin?  
  
Monica: (grinning) I told you, we all cousins! Tha's cuz we all the same color when the lights go out.  
  
Seto: O.O  
  
Audience: *laughs/cheers*  
  
Monica: Yeah, so how bout it dirrty?  
  
Seto: ...I'll think about it.  
  
Bakura: (from audience) That's clearly a yes Monica; kiss him! (chants) Kiss him, kiss him, kiss him, kiss him!  
  
Audience *joins in* Kiss him, kiss him, kiss him, kiss him!  
  
Monica: (grins) Oh yeah!  
  
Seto: O.O Oh no...  
  
**Monica grabs Seto, pulls him down, and kisses him passionately.**  
  
Audience: *wolf calls, howls, other obscene comments.*  
  
Seto: @.@  
  
Monica: (grinning like madwoman) We'll be back after this.  
  
Audience: *claps/cheers wildly*  
  
**Commercial Break**  
  
Continuation: Coke TM Promotion  
  
*several weeks later*  
  
Yami Malik: (struggling) It's not working!!!  
  
Malik: There is more than one way to skin a cat. Have you been doing that since we left the studio three weeks ago?  
  
Yami Malik: That and watching Isis watch the news!! (picks up scalpel and potato peeler)  
  
Malik: Where are you going?  
  
Yami Malik: To skin a cat. Like you said.  
  
Malik: Don't twist my words Yami! I meant if you trying to break your neck isn't working, try it a different way.  
  
Yami Malik: (hopefully) Like with a scalpel?  
  
Malik: O.o Uh-huh...Isis what are you watching.  
  
Yami Malik: (proceeds once more with trying to break his own neck)  
  
Isis: The news. Over the past three weeks, Coke has had to make more pop than ever, and the crime rate worldwide has went up by 89%. Isn't that terrible?  
  
Malik: (fake gasp) Why that's unbelievable!! Did you see the rims I had custom made for my motorcycle??  
  
Isis: -.- You cannot put rims on a motorcycle.  
  
Malik: Yeah-huh! I know so!  
  
Isis: You so do not know so.  
  
Malik: I do so know so know so know.  
  
Isis: You so do not know so know so know so know so.  
  
Malik: (matter-of-factly) I do so know so know so know so know so know.  
  
Isis: (ignores him) That must've cost money. You're not a man-ho are you?  
  
Malik: ^_^ I win!...No I'm not selling my body Isis. I just got paid by Coke. I promoted crime, violence, and Coke. ^_^  
  
Isis:...You practically brought about World War III.  
  
Malik: I know! ^_^ But I put a secret ingredient in Coke that allows me to blow everyone up who drinks it with the press of a button. It only works on people that have drank Coke within the last week. And I have shiny rims! (huggles his motorcycle)  
  
Yami Malik: What's this button do?  
  
Malik: O.o You don't drink Coke do you?  
  
Isis: No, why?  
  
Yami Malik: (presses button) World War III! World War III!  
  
*a loud explosion is heard*  
  
Malik:...Maybe no one heard that...  
  
**End Commercial Break**  
  
Mokuba: ^______________________________________^ Welcome back! We know you're not just tuning in, but if you are, Monica, N*SYNC and Nelly did their rendition of "Girlfriend" for my brother Seto.  
  
Laura: -_-' Yes. Monica's very persistant.  
  
Mokuba: Two musical performances and one award to be presented-Cutest Bishounen. I'm estatic-I want to see who won.  
  
Laura: No you don't. You want to see if Seto said yes to Monica's proposal or not.  
  
Mokuba: (halo appears overhead) That too. Anyway, Benji and Joel from Good Charlotte are having a problem. Apparently an attempt has been made on their life. Let's check in with ACME Rian from stage crew with more on that. Rian?  
  
**Split screen**  
  
Rian: Mokuba, someone tried to drop a fat lady on Benji and Joel! It was so horrible!  
  
Benji: (shaking) She was...so fat! It was like raining blubber from the sky!  
  
Rian: Benji, what made you and Joel move out of the way?  
  
Joel: (sheepishly) I uh...dropped my cookie.  
  
Rian: O.O Oh. Um...ok, I guess. Benji, what made you move?  
  
Benji: (still shaking, eye twitching violently) Tenure!!  
  
Rian: ...Right. Well, are you guys still going to be able to perform?  
  
Joel: Hey, it ain't over until the overweight person sings!  
  
Rian: I thought it was fat lady.  
  
Joel: It is, but...we've got to be politically correct.  
  
Rian: (nodding) Ah. So is Benji gonna be ok?  
  
Joel: Benji will be fine. He just needs a drink. But we can't perform right now, so we switched with Sum 41  
  
Audience: (sadly) Awwww...  
  
Joel: (smiling) Don't worry. We'll be up after them.  
  
Audience: Yay!  
  
Rian: Well Mokuba, you heard it here first. Good Charlotte is still performing even after a smothering attempt on the twins' lives.  
  
Mokuba: And what about stage crew Rian?  
  
Rian: We're still investigating. Hopefully we'll have solved this mystery before the end of the show. Come on Scooby!  
  
Scooby: Rooby-rooby-roo!  
  
Mokuba: O.O Uh...thanks Rian. We'll check in with you later.  
  
**End split screen**  
  
Laura: Well, here they are folks. Sum 41 here to perform their hit "Still Waiting".  
  
**Center Stage. Sum 41 is dressed as they are in the video. Music starts.**  
  
Bakura: (pouts)  
  
Malik: What in the name of *beep* is wrong with you.  
  
Bakura: I never get to be up there.  
  
Malik: -_-' Don't even start Bakura.  
  
Deryck: So am I still waiting for this world to stop hating. Can't find a good reason, can't find hope to believe in.  
  
Malik: Why don't you just go up there? You know the song right?  
  
Bakura: (light bulb appears above head) I know! I'll just go up there! I know the song, right?  
  
Malik: . I just said that!  
  
Bakura: ...I'm sorry, were you saying something?  
  
Malik: I just said...  
  
Bakura: Didn't think so. (dashes upstage, pushes Deryck away from the mic, starts singing) JUST LIKE A BULLET TO MY HEAD, YOUR WORDS ARE LIKE A GUN IN HAND! WE CAN'T CHANGE THE STATE OF THE NATION; WE JUST NEED SOME MOTIVATION! HOW FAR WILL WE TAKE THIS?! IT'S NOT HARD TO SEE THROUGH THE FAKENESS! SO TELL ME, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY?!! I'D SAY IT'S TIME TO WAIT!!!  
  
B&D: So am I still waiting for this world to stop hating? Can't find a good reason, can't find hope to believe in.  
  
D: (to Bakura) Dude, you're good!  
  
Bakura: Shut up! This is my song!  
  
Sum 41: O.o  
  
Bakura: HATER RANTS, AND UNDERSTANDING! WE'RE THE FIRST ONES TO JUMP IN LINE! OUTTA STEP FOR WHAT BE BELIEVE IN, BUT WHO'S LEFT TO STOP THE BLEEDING?! THESE EYES HAVE SEEN NO CONVICTION-JUST LIES AND MORE CONTRIDICTION! SO TELL ME, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY!? I'D SAY IT'S TIME TO WAIT!!!  
  
D: So am I still waiting for this world to stop hating? Can't find a good reason. Can't find hope to believe in.  
  
Bakura: THIS CAN'T LAST FOREVER! TIME WON'T MAKE THINGS BETTER! (singing with band) I feel so alone, can't help myself, and no one knows (screaming) IF THIS IS WORTHLESS TO ME!!! SO! WHAT HAVE WE DONE WITH A WAR THAT CAN'T BE WON!? THIS CAN'T BE REAL! I DON'T KNOW (singing) what to feel...  
  
Malik: o.O He screwed the lyrics; he mixed up two of the lines!!  
  
Yami: Are *you* gonna tell him that Malik?  
  
Malik: Hell no! I'm gonna sit my fine ass in my chair and cheer for Bakura!  
  
B&D: So am I still waiting for this world to stop hating? Can't find a good reason, can't find hope to believe in. So am I still waiting for this world to stop hating? Can't find a good reason, can't find hope to believe in.  
  
*Song ends*  
  
Audience: *standing ovation*  
  
Bakura: (bows) Thank you, my mindless public.  
  
Random S41 Member: Dude, that was our song!  
  
Bakura: (glares)  
  
D: Dude, shut up! I want to live!  
  
Audience: *continues cheering*  
  
**Camera switches back to podium**  
  
Laura: Thank you Bakura, and Sum 41. That was...loud.  
  
Mokuba: And now to present the award for Cutest Bishounen, here's Monica, Nelly and the Magician of Black Chaos!  
  
**Monica walks out, wearing a very suggestively exposing black evening gown and 3 inch heels that wrap around her ankles. MBC is winking at the audience suggestively. Nelly is pimping, as usual, with a drink in hand.**  
  
Monica: Hey ya'll!  
  
Audience: *cheers*  
  
Monica: Knew we'd get ya'll to be a real audience after a while. (grinning) Hey Seto.  
  
Seto: (blushes, looks away)  
  
Nelly: (nods) W'sup? (sips drink)  
  
MBC: Monica, why am I here?  
  
Monica: Cuz you fine-oh yeah! So Nelly, what's yo' favorite duel monster?  
  
Nelly: Witty Phantom-know what I'm sayin'? Cuz he like the pimp of the cards and er'thang.  
  
Audience: *laughs/cheers*  
  
Monica: Nelly, for the last time sweetie, you are not a pimp. A gimp, and a shrimp maybe, but not a pimp.  
  
Nelly: Tha's how you gone repay yo cousin afta the favor I jus' pulled for you?  
  
Monica: Don't even get me started boy; I'll knock that crooked grin of yours straight.  
  
MBC: (clears throat loudly) Please, children, let's not fight. Oh, and Monica, if Seto won't be your boyfriend, I will.  
  
Monica: Oh yeah! Oh, and Seto, baby, don't be jealous. They only want me for my pimp juice-know what I'm sayin'? Cuz ya see (with Nelly) Pimp juice is color blind, you'll find it come in all color, creeds and kinds, from ages 50 right down to 9-I'm from Moniville and I won't resign, watch me recline. Cuz ya wanna putcha feet on my rug don'tcha? Ya really wanna putcha feet on my rug, don'tcha? You in a hurry-slow down! Cuz I got all night. Matta fac' (solo) say yes boo cuz you know this is right.  
  
Audience: *cheers*  
  
Jesanae Tekani: We love you Monica!  
  
Monica: Thank you baby-I love you too.  
  
Nelly: So how come you neva went into show bi'ness, cuz?  
  
Monica: (shrugs) I'on'o. I can sang and er'thang, and I can dance, but I just never thought about it.  
  
Nelly: You want the hook up? Puff Daddy and a few of us gone get together, see if we can get you a record deal goin' and er'thang.  
  
Monica: O.o Record deal? Why?  
  
Malik: (screaming from audience) CUZ THEY LIKE BIG BUTTS AND THEY CANNOT LIE! YOU OTHER BROTHAS CAN'T DENY!!!  
  
A: *laughs*  
  
Monica: Yeah, well I guess I can sign up for it or whatever. Anyway, let's check out them nominees for the Cutest Bishounen.  
  
****  
  
Griff: That's right, the end is coming soon! I hope you enjoyed. No, it's not the next part but it's close. There won't be more than two or *possibly* three parts.  
  
Malik: When a girl walks in with a itty bitty waist and a round thang in yo face you get sprung...  
  
Griff: XD You sound like Zaheera. She knows every word to that song XD Hi Zaheera! *waves* Uh well anyway, um...well, I guess I'll thank the reviewers.  
  
Bakura: What's wrong with you? Usually you're so...well for lack of a better word, stupid. You don't feel like senselessly entertaining your reviewers?  
  
Ryou: Are you sick?  
  
Griff: I'm not sick. It's just that I can't update for a while because of my okina. He's being a meanie again, so I'll be fortunate if the reaches the reviewers before I go on vacation.  
  
Bakura:...Why don't you just take the disk with you?  
  
Griff: Just because this humor is innocent to me doesn't mean my parents won't find something wrong with it. You want me to die, don't you?  
  
Bakura:...You yourself said it. I dare nay deny nor confirm that.  
  
Yami Malik: *huggles Griffin*  
  
Griff: *is huggled* ?.? Thank you Yami Malik.  
  
Yami Malik: *goes to go stab someone*  
  
Griff: o_O okay...uh, I'll just um. Yeah. I feel better. Oh, a lot of people are asking me to continue Boot Camp. What is that?  
  
Malik: Well you did sort of leave it hanging.  
  
Griff: I did nothing of the sort!  
  
Bakura: Usotsuki. You know you did.  
  
Griff: Not just a liar...senmitsuya, Bakura-kun!  
  
Bakura: I'm not your friend, stop calling me that. And you're not a great liar, you're just a liar.  
  
Griff: oushikuso! As long as you're stubborn, I'll keep abusing you in one- shots...and maybe in one, you'll wind up deisui. *is grinning*  
  
Bakura: -.- You nary dare get me drunk. And stop saying kuso.  
  
Griff: I would so!! Dead drunk.  
  
Bakura: I have too much of a tolerance for alcohol.  
  
Griff: We'll see. ^_^  
  
Malik: *is confuzzled* The only word out of that I understood was *is omitted* Well actually it was bull *is omitted*  
  
L-Seph: *has much to learn, you see* Uh-huh. How did you not understand that? You're-  
  
Malik: Egyptian. Not to be confuzzled with Japanese, which could save you hundreds on car insurance.  
  
Griff: *is now, but was not previously confuzzled* o_O Okay...So stop calling you?  
  
Malik: Yuppies puppies! You've got one-shots to do, so thankies the reviewers and move on!  
  
L-Seph: BTW, for anyone who was wondering, Up Against the Wall will be up in 3 weeks. We will be posting a cut version on FF.net, but an uncut version will be available on our site, which is still under construction.  
  
Monica: An, Seph is kind enough to let ya'll know that she wrote a one-shot about Seto and me, and er'thang, so check it out! It's called "All I Have".  
  
L-Seph: *is grimacing* Yes. Well, it's actually supposed to be a serious side to Seto and Monica's relationship. It's a one shot-angst for anyone who's interested.  
  
Monica: Which is just her desperate way of saying "PLEASE READ IT!!!".  
  
L-Seph: *is now pissed off* Go home Monica.  
  
Monica: *is confuzzled* Which one ? The one in England, Chicago, Summersgarden, or Seto's house?  
  
L-Seph: *is now even more pissed off* Just...GO HOME!!  
  
Monica: *is hurt*  
  
L-Seph: (to stars) STOP DOING THAT!!  
  
**: *is hurt because she yelled at them*  
  
Griff: Now look what you did! You hurt the stars feelings!  
  
L-Seph: They're stars! They're not real; they don't have feelings!!!  
  
**: *is now offended, because they are not considered real, and don't have feelings*  
  
Yami: (holding sharp pointy object) Do you want me to hurt the stars, my lady?  
  
**: *is now scared*  
  
L-Seph: NO! I WANT YOU TO ALL STOP ACKNOWLEDGING THE FACT THAT THESE STARS EXIST!! THEY ARE NOT REAL!! THEY ARE ONLY ASTERISKS!!  
  
**: *is not star, is now asterisk*  
  
L-Seph: *is glaring at asterisks* I said cut it out.  
  
**: *is explaining that it is their job to denote action*  
  
L-Seph: I don't give a *is omitted*!  
  
**: *is offended by L-Seph's foul language*  
  
L-Seph: *is cracking knuckles* If you're real then I'm certainly allowed to punch you.  
  
**: *is now thinking it is a good idea to stop for a little while*  
  
Bakura: (sarcatically) -_- Way to go L-Seph. You intimidated a pair of asterisks denoting action. You certainly declared yourself Mistress of All Evil. I have no doubts about your status now.  
  
L-Seph: (begins to punch Bakura mercilessly) How about now?  
  
Griff: -.- Malik my sweet, let's thank the reveiwers.  
  
Yami: (to Bakura) Touch my Silver Goddess and I'll make you wish Tea were here instead!  
  
All: O.O  
  
Griff: Shimatta, you all talk too much. Before I thank the reviewers, I just wanna say that I'll see if I can update my Inu-Yasha story, but I dunno. All updates after today will be sometime next week, because L-Seph and I are going on vacation to Colorado, so this is the last time I update for at least a week. Now onto the thankings of the reviewers.  
  
Mynx: Meow!! Meh-heh!  
  
Griff: O.O  
  
Cloey: Thank you! Oh yea, they're sexy as hell...however sexy hell is.  
  
Malik: *sweatdrops*  
  
Griff: Too lazy to sign in, huh? Well, don't feel bad. You're not the only one. LOL Lulla-bye-bye? Where'd you get that from? You're right, it's not healthy to lick his dagger, but he looks so good doing it! I couldn't resist. You love Monica?  
  
Monica: Anutha fan, oh yea!  
  
Griff: Yup! Everyone loves you! O.O I also apologize for Malik; no yaoi stories! Poor Malik. LOL You saw Malik say Shadi's bald, right? I was cracking up ^-^ I didn't write that part. I'm glad you liked my commercial. ^^ He'd probably still be saying I made a rhyme ^^ Bakura's not an alcoholic in case you all were wondering. Rofl!!! Where did you get that commercial from? Now that was funny ^^  
  
Malik'sgurl: It'll be up in 3 weeks, hun. So bear with us, okay? Thank you ^^ My commercials are my favorite part; I love writing them. Yay! I'm appreciated! *is appreciated* n.n  
  
ACME-Rian: I think you're in this chapter ^^ I don't know *sweatdrops*  
  
Sentine: No Blake?!?!?! Nai!!!!!!!!!!! *runs off to find Blake*  
  
Sen Taro-Taisensei: Thankies! Art?  
  
Bakura: No, Sen. It's stupidity.  
  
Griff: -.- No one asked you for your 10 cents!  
  
Bakura: My 2 cents is free.  
  
Monica: A nuisance, who sent, you sent for me? *starts dancing*  
  
Griff: -.-' Ooh! Spoiler! Yay! Thankies!  
  
Space Case: Really? Thankies!  
  
Sentine: Yup yup! ANIME, CHESTER!! ANIME!! *is sad* I used to think you were cool...*imitating Mokuba from a previous chapter* Oh, Chester...I'm ashamed...  
  
Well, that's all of the reviews. You remember when Mokuba told Seto he was ashamed? You know I actually walk around saying that to people now? XD Of course, only me and L-Seph know what I'm talking about; it's an inside joke. But people look at me like I'm crazy anyway XD Well I'm glad you all reviewed, and thanks again. I hope you can go a week without me updating. I don't know if I can go a week without the Internet o.O I might start typing on an invisible keyboard before long. o.O 


End file.
